Brittle and vampired by AusPoet
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Description
Could I be making a very big mistake?
That's what I wonder as I feel this ache.
A man whose heart is ready to break,
Wants me to love him, and not to be fake.
I want the same, but can't switch it on!
The feelings were there, and now seem gone.
Everything is right, everything is there,
To not have these feelings seems terribly unfair.
I love him, I do, but not quite that way,
Keep hoping I will at the new dawn of day.
I trust him completely, and know that he's good,
I wish there was passion, I wish that I could.
I don't want to lose him, want him in my life,
I'm not sure I'm made to be loved, I'm in strife.
I want to be near him, to hold him inside,
Is this why I then do internally deride?
I want to deserve it, I wish that I could,
Believe I should I have it, believe that I'm good.
Why is it that I can't let myself have it?
Why can't I just see it, and then grab it?
I'm tortured inside, tormented by dreams,
Of helplessness, confusion, noiseless screams.
Perplexity is master, and mistress, and slave,
I have taken from him what I once gave.
I wish that I could simply give it back,
But there's something inside of me I seem to lack.
I'm frightened, ashamed and full of self hate
And wonder whether for me, it's all just too late.
Am I too damaged, to let love be mine?
Or an idiot, a fool, who can't see divine?
I'm blind to the answers, wish I could see more,
But all I see is darkness, when I open the door.
There's nothing to guide me through this morass,
No one to show me, just thoughts to harass.
Inside I feel empty, flat and dry,
Brittle and vampired, wish I knew why.
Comments (3)
Wolfspirit
Self-sabotage, your good intentions, your positive choices, and your inner equilibrium all origins in early childhood You obviously consciously know all is good with this man, yet, something is missing to make you feel love/passion is present. What do you know about passion or about love? What have you unknowingly learned from birth on up through childhood? Do you unconsciously or consciously create today what youve learned? The result from this perspective is =Quote- I'm not sure I'm made to be loved, I'm in strife. I want to deserve it, I wish that I could, Believe I should I have it, believe that I'm good. But there's something inside of me I seem to lack. I'm frightened, ashamed and full of self hate, and wonder whether for me, it's all just too late. Am I too damaged, to let love be mine? My answer, no it is not too late and it NEVER is as the first step is answers as to why Clearly you are searching for them here and yes you CAN overcome. There is a book you might find of interest in reading It is called Addicted to Unhappiness Free yourself from moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work, and the life you want. By: Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. & William J Pieper, M.D. Excellent expression, as well as writing, thank you for sharing and my best to you! HUGS!
AusPoet
Thank you wolfspirit. :-)
TallPockets
My best to you and yours, kind soul. T.P./brian.