Pocket Of Peace--Reworked and Reposted by beachzz
Close
Hover over top left image to zoom.
Click anywhere to exit.
Members remain the original copyright holder in all their materials here at Renderosity. Use of any of their material inconsistent with the terms and conditions set forth is prohibited and is considered an infringement of the copyrights of the respective holders unless specially stated otherwise.
Description
Andrea (durleybeachbum) made some suggestions about this poem. They made a lot of sense, so I reworked it a bit. I didn't really change too much wording, I just rearranged them a bit. I think it gives it an even more peaceful feel.
Pocket Of Peace
Rushing
Running
Coming and
Going
City life
Driving
Working
Back and
Forth
City life
Constant
Noise
Stress
Motion
City life
And then
Around the corner
Something new
A tree, a bench
Quiet solitude
In the middle of crowds
A moment to sit and think
Breathe and smile
A pocket of peace
In the big city
3/24/09
Reworked 3/27/09
Comments (11)
bmac62
Went back and placed the two versions side by side. Did my homework:) I agree, the reworked version with a slight realignment of only several lines and the change of only 3-4 words does reflect more of the restful atmosphere of that bench away from the maddening crowds. Liked it before, like it even better now. Well done. This would be a good theme for a monthly challenge in the photography forum!
lizzibell
Beautiful work...
durleybeachbum
Superb! Don't feel so bad about being such a cheeky bint now!
magnus073
I really like the changes Marilyn, you did excellent :)
PD154
Don't really remember the differences I am ashamed to say maz, but I remember the picture, and the general gist of the verse, nice one.
3x3
lovely x
sandra46
very beautiful!
goodoleboy
Now I remember what the title reminds me of...a song from the 1968 movie, Oliver. In this life, one thing counts, In the bank, large amounts, I'm afraid these don't grow on trees, You've got to pick-a-pocket or two You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys, You've got to pick-a-pocket or two. Otherwise, fine prose again, Maz!
anaber
Beautiful.I like this way.
hipps13
wonderful work warm hug, Linda
anahata.c
I truly like them both, but I see the changes in this one. It seems more tight in the upper stanzas, and then it fans out in the last few. Very nice. You're in good company—you ever see the variations of many poets? Shakespeare sent out sonnets to his friends in several versions. So you're at one with the Bard...It's brave of you to show both versions and not delete one for the other. (Future generations of scholars will be happy with you! The A & B versions, with footnotes—imagine!)