Alone In The Dark ~ Challenge by bmac62
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Description
The Writer's Gallery has a monthly challenge. The Feb/Mar challenge was to write something on the theme, "Alone in the Dark". This was my entry after a slight bit of editing. I didn't like my original, awkward ending:-)
Alone in the Dark!
I bought a gun
A fear to relieve
My house was empty
The lights were dim
I lay down to sleep
But sleep wouldn't come
The cemetery next door
Always unsettled me some
Wind blew against the back of the house
A creaking sound was just enough
I lay still to hear
The rustle of footsteps come to my ear
A window rattled
A door hinge creaked
I slid off the covers
The intruder to seek
Smith and Wesson
Was my friend in fright
Shaking I moved across the floor
Alone in the dark that night
A red laser
I placed down the hall
Room by room I crept
Groping hoping not to fall
Suddenly silly I felt
There's nobody here
Just my dog and me
There she sleeps free from fear
So what's the big deal
Absolutely nothing to dread
Yet why am I still alone
And hiding in bed
Original ~ 2/28/2009
Reworked ~ 3/28/2009
Bill:)
......
Ever felt just a bit creeped out alone in the dark?
Comments (20)
nikolais
"many fears are born by loneliness and fatigue"( M. Erhmann). It's too human to experience what you have narrated so precisely, Bill.
timtripp
marvelous!
Kaartijer
The only thing I fear at night it's the cat that might be hidden under the bed and he'll wake me up around 3AM to let him out of my room! Awesome work, Bill!
fredster66
Great job!
THROBBE
Fantastic work Bill!
debbielove
Cool story again, Bill. You are getting quite good at this, mate. Well done, again. Rob.
PD154
Something a lot of people feel in this modern crazy world, nice job.
durleybeachbum
Excellent!
beachzz
Even better- don'tcha just love how that can happen??
MagikUnicorn
EXCELLENT WORK & WORDS
kansas
Great picture and words. Glad you have your trusty Smith and Wesson. It may come in handy one of these days.
tennesseecowgirl
I love it... good to see Eddie and Ray are posting, or commenting ... Are you surviving this weather, I believe you are in Kansas right? We are expecting some good storms through here today. Just when I wanted to get out and take some spring photos..
moonrancher
Very fine work, Bill. I can definitely relate. Turns out we had raccoons using our rooftoop for a bunny lookout. Then I saw a mountain lion. Problem has gone away, at least for a while. I hope you figure out what goes bump in the night, too!
goodoleboy
Things that go bump in the night... The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Especially with my security shotgun within arm's reach on the floor next to the bed. Great work of prose, Bill! Something like that would have been great during the Golden age of Radio, such as on the program, "Lights Out."
npauling
Things always seem worse at night. This is a marvellous poem and so true to life. Well done.
junge1
Great poem Bill. Except for the gun part it reminds me of many nights in Germany when the cold, wet, wind rattled the windows and I hid under the cover while listening to the noise outside - and sometimes inside!!
kasalin
Very beautiful and good composition !!! Excellent poem and work :) 5*
auntietk
Your revised ending is an improvement, imho ... good call! I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying your writing! :)
Fred255
All a bit dark!
anahata.c
I agree with the above...I never saw the original so I don't know what you changed, but I've seen that you have a way with endings, you surprise, or deeply touch with real poignance, or make us laugh, etc. You did that here, lightened it up at the end. And since this is poetry, you have a nice sense of pacing, dividing the lines into separate experiences one after the other...that makes lines sing. As I've said in a couple of other galleries, I never voted on the challenge, because I just couldn't get to any reading last month; and now that I'm seeing some of the entries, I feel like a heel. I'll try to do better from now on...Hope you keep writing, you have a real feel for it; and you always have a story to tell, and something very human to share.