No Signal by CoreyBlack
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Description
You have a lot of time to think, when you're sitting around the house all day and recovering from major surgery. Today, I'm thinking about television....
With the January 2008 announcement that analog TV was to become digital in the USA in 2009, I decided that I didn't care if I watched TV anymore or not. It was all garbage, anyway; and then--to add insult to injury--Willam Peterson left CSI to boot. The hell with it!
I did not redeem my $40 government coupon; I did not buy a converter box; and, I most certainly did not buy a new TV. My portable 13-inch Zenith was only 15 years old, after all; and it was still capable of playing all of my DVDs. That, and all the poor suckers who'd changed over had shelled out a lot more than $40. They kept telling me how rotten their TV reception had become.
"Occasionally," they'd say, "all the people will pixelate and look like they've been attacked by a disintegrating death-ray."
Or:
"When I move the screen goes black and flashes a message saying No Signal..."
Still another complained:
"Hi-definition my hairy derrière. Unless you're in exactly the right spot it all looks as mushy as a watercolor that's been left out in the rain!"
I felt vindicated.
A year later, I found that I'd really begun to miss Craig Ferguson's monologue, all of those great documentaries on PBS, cool old crime shows on MeTV, and the comforting murmur of a TV in the background on lonely nights. I dusted off my government coupon and went to buy a converter box.
The box itself cost $65, plus tax; by the time I added the new antenna, I'd spent nearly $100 and had only been reimbursed for less than half of that!
"A lot of money," I groused, "for something that used to be free."
It was only after I returned home that I realized my TV didn't have enough holes in the back to plug everything into, and that I'd need a $30 adapter to make it all work.
I decided I no longer cared about missing Craig Ferguson's monologue, all those great documentaries on PBS, the cool old crime shows on MeTV, and comforting murmur of a TV in the background on a lonely night.
I became so disgusted that I didn't even try to get a refund. I chucked everything into the trash, including the TV. I was angry. I was disconcerted. I inwardly mourned the America that implicitly stated that it was the God-given right of every citizen to sit in the privacy of his or her place of residence and watch whatever crap fell out of the TV until they got bored enough to turn it off. All of this, completely free of charge, except for the initial cost of the TV and their monthly electric bill.
Months later, amid my mixed-emotions, I've begun to feel rather trivial. I realize that in the Grand Scheme of Things the rest of the world doesn't care if I watch TV or not. It certainly isn't relevant to little children in Third World countries eating mud for breakfast and gravel for dinner. But, as an American, I am rather adept at being trivial. I still feel guilty, occasionally, but it passes soon enough, as I walk to the front of the apartment and watch my roommate's TV.
When I move my foot and NO SIGNAL flashes across the blackened screen, I'm reminded of just why I threw my own television away.
Comments (11)
Chipka
WOW! I was on Earth--er, I mean, In the Czech Republic--when all of this crap was happening, and that came after feeling all overwhelmed after watching exactly 2 hours of television per week...and that was only because of Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who...which, admittedly, are television shows intended for people who don't give a flying fart about off-key cliche-warbles on some "reality"-based talent show, or propaganda (um, I mean "news") regularly vomited out of the zombie-mouths of Fox-Network puppets...um, I mean "reporters." Well...needless to say, this really struck quite a number of trenchant points and makes me very glad that since being back in the Continental USA, I've seen a grand total of about 10 hours of television...and most of that was in elevators, in check-out lines, and on your roommate's off-brand LCD TV. It's funny how television is now something you can watch in elevators! I'm still trying to figure out that Muzak thing. Anyway, this is a brilliantly spot-on piece of writing, and a really great photograph to boot! I love the pixelated snow and the hint and whisper of something, just vaguely something behind all of the visual noise. It's a shame that you tend to miss stuff you'd never watch anyway, but ultimately, that ain't so bad. Wonderful work! I love the image! It has that 1980s Cyberpunk feel back when Cyberpunk had more to do with technology rather than women in black leather. Great, thoughtful stuff!
Revelation-23
Sometimes I miss having TV. Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, football, hockey, pro wrestling, that's about it, unless there's something on the SciFi channel - oops, it's now SyFy - that I want to watch. Like you, I used it for background noise more often than I did for something to pay attention to. I have an older TV and no digital converter box. I only keep it around until I can get a better one in case I feel like playing a game on one of my consoles, since I took the tuner card out of my computer. It wasn't that great anyway. I rarely watch a DVD on TV anymore, since a 24" widescreen monitor does that job rather well. Granted, I can't do much else at the same time, but that's alright by me.
auntietk
Before The Change, I used to watch a fair amount of PBS. In the interest of continuing to become "informed, involved and inspired" I got a cable box and a really good outdoor antenna, and looked forward to many more happy years of viewing public television. With the new digital system I now get twice the trash I got before, but no PBS. The antenna needs to be re-adjusted or something. I must admit, golf looks a LOT better in digital. Did you know they play that game with a little white ball?
beachzz
There's a bumper sticker I've see that says, "Kill Your TV". You did just as well, and that very act of tossing the thing in the trash must have been SO satisfying. I didn't have TV for years, and then someone gave me one. Now I AM plugged in. I weed thru thru lots of garbage to find the good stuff. And I still read BOOKS, too.
durleybeachbum
Hooray! I did get a digibox, and I'm so pleased as the Beeb has a channel only available on digital that has great arts programmes and other interesting things that aren't gameshows and soap operas and other trash. And news is available when you want it..great.
flavia49
Terrific tale and comments!! in Italy we are entering the cable box era!!!
stick
Holy cow no TV? I could live with no TV but I just have to have my stereo, no music is a lot worse than no TV.
sandra46
DON'T MAKE ME CRY, THEY'RE GOING TO PUT THE DIGITAL ALSO HERE....FORTUNATELY I ALSO HAVE THE SATELLITE...
minos_6
I took one look at this image and the words "They're heeeeere!" came to mind unbidden. Memories of an old movie directed by Tobe Hooper..... I totally agree with your point of view on TV. Like Chip, I'm a big fan of the re-imagined BSG, but I've got the whole thing on DVD. I have a "freeview" box at home but never tune into the damn thing anyway. Great image and muse!
KateBlack10
okay you almost made water come out my nose - the narrative is your usual Corey hilarity in all it's glory - I'm right there with you, no converter box, no antenna and I think I have managed to hang on to some brain cells....great pic but the narrative makes it really rock....
helanker
OH Yes, I see it every day. My hubby fighting with all his remotes. I think he has 7 of them. I dont even try to use one of them. When I go to see one little series from the TV, he almost every time has a fight to make it work. YUK! I´d rather NOT see any series at all. So I do understand what you mean.