Fri, Dec 27, 10:11 PM CST

The Waiting Room for Souls

Writers Science Fiction posted on Dec 05, 2010
Open full image in new tab Zoom on image
Close

Hover over top left image to zoom.
Click anywhere to exit.


Members remain the original copyright holder in all their materials here at Renderosity. Use of any of their material inconsistent with the terms and conditions set forth is prohibited and is considered an infringement of the copyrights of the respective holders unless specially stated otherwise.

Description


He felt pushed into the dark room and fell to the floor. It seemed to bend under his weight and he felt no pain. Yet, when he stood up it was firm under his feet. What was this place? Why was he here? He tried to remember the sequence of the events. The pelting rain… the bus stop… trying to see if the bus was coming… the dark blue sedan skidding out of control… towards him… “Oh, God! I died! I died! That’s what happened. And here… here I am waiting to go to Heaven… or Hell.” “Is there anybody here? Anybody else?” he asked loudly, and yet he didn’t seem to have opened his mouth. But his voice had rang out clearly. “Just me… So, you’re finally speaking up. You’ve accepted what you are. That’s good.” “But I don’t know what I am! Honestly, what am I?” “A Mind. You died before you could accomplish everything that you can do. You may have a great role to play… but you died before you could get there… I don’t know… But you are here, in the Waiting Room, and you will stay here until you find a soul. Then you will be born into another person, and you will achieve what you have to achieve.” “I see. So… that’s how it is. Indeed I am working on a…” He felt a vicious grasp around his throat and he could not speak a word. It was strange, for he could breathe. But he could not speak. “God, what was that?! Somebody caught me by the throat!” “You cannot speak of the things which you have not accomplished yet. For if you were to speak of them, I might create them instead of you, and we would both be lost.” “A-ha! So… how long have you been waiting in here?” “I don’t know… there is no day or night here, no clocks…. Time has no value here… I remember I died in the war… they started using those horrible things… canons… It was a lovely spring afternoon in 1916…” “1916???? You’ve been waiting in here for over 100 years!” “It is possible, yes. But I feel a soul will come along soon.” “Why does it take so long? I mean, a lot of people die…” “Most souls go to the Final Judgment. A few, very, very few, are sent back on Earth. These are souls who have not reached the spiritual elevation which allows them to stand judgment. Souls of children, teenagers…” “If I think only of all the abortions performed every day, and it should be swarming with souls in here.” “Oh, those are pure souls… they go straight to heaven. But think of all those kids who have done some bad things... and then got killed in a fire or car accident… They have not yet got to the point to do good things and be eligible for judgment. It would not do to punish a 14-year-old… So he gets another chance, another life… And we also get this chance.” The older Mind became silent. He was looking intently towards a door. “When that door opens, and a shiny form of a human stands in the doorframe, that’s a soul. You go towards it and grab it…. And in 9 months from now you will be born.” “How do you know all these things?” “The Mind who was here before me told me. We are bound to pass this information to the next Mind who comes in.” As they were speaking, the door began to open. The both jumped to their feet. “A soul! A soul!” shouted the older Mind. “Finally, a soul!” “I’ll take that! I have important things to achieve! I can’t sit here for 100 years!” “Stand back! I was here before you. I have the right to take this soul! It is mine!” You stand back! I will save millions of people with my invention! The world needs me more than you!” He pushed the older Mind and reached out for the silvery shape of a man. He had reached it, grabbed it, and he felt drawn out of the door. At the last moment, the older Mind put out his hand, grabbed him and his sharp nails tore viciously at his face and left arm. But he could not hold on. With one firm push, he was thrown back, while the other was holding onto the soul. “I will be someone important, someone famous! And you can’t stop me!” Nine months later a child was born into the real world – with a horribly mutilated face and left arm. Nobody wanted him, so he became a Nobody.

Comments (6)


)

neles-e

3:39PM | Sun, 05 December 2010

... really dig the concept had trouble with the use of the earthly terms and with the ending- I would have factored in back-on-earth KARMA in there, somehow still, very creative thanks .

)

drace68

7:53PM | Sun, 05 December 2010

Ooh. Well written, yes. But dark for these shorter days and descending cold. I'm turning on another light, and reaching for a blanket.

)

experimental

7:58PM | Sun, 05 December 2010

love it

)

DennisReed

12:41AM | Mon, 06 December 2010

Awesome!

)

TallPockets

4:42AM | Mon, 06 December 2010

SUPERBLY written work! (In the 'open' area where you upload the 'text' of your writings, if you FIRST hit the ENTER key about 20-30 times, it will DROP DOWN the same amount of 'lines across' the page. This will place your 'text'/writings BELOW the THUMBNAIL and TOP INFO. (Play around with this per each individual upload/thumbnail size variation.) It would also be easier on these old eyes and to read to have a few 'paragraphs' to break up the page. Just a few of my thoughts. My BEST to you and yours, KIND SOUL.

)

Chipka

2:19PM | Sun, 12 December 2010

This has the nice feel of a parable: simple and to the point, and yet not very simple at all. Very well realized. There is a sense of tension and a nicely untold story. I think this works really well as a parable, a cautionary tale, a lesson couched in prose, and--indeed--there's an ancient tradition of that. I agree with TallPokets about hitting the ENTER key a few times: depending on things like image size (if there is an image.) I've also found that putting an extra space in between paragraphs makes it easier on the eyes. It separates dialog more easily and so a longer piece is easier to read. This is such a minor thing, however, and the beauty of the story is not compromised. I am curious, however, about these characters. I could easily become fascinated and lost in a longer version of this tale, where you explore a bit more of the characters; the situation is very, very fascinating, and I'm curious as to how and why ONE "person" managed to stay for so long while the central character was able to recognize a soul and leave so quickly: that implies a lot, and it's something I'd love to see explored. In short, this is a marvelous and thoughtful piece of writing, and I'd love to see more. I like this a lot.


1 105 0

01
Days
:
01
Hrs
:
48
Mins
:
08
Secs
Premier Release Product
Bad Kitty Shoes G9F
3D Models
Top-Selling Vendor Sale Item
$10.49 USD 40% Off
$6.29 USD

Privacy Notice

This site uses cookies to deliver the best experience. Our own cookies make user accounts and other features possible. Third-party cookies are used to display relevant ads and to analyze how Renderosity is used. By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understood our Terms of Service, including our Cookie Policy and our Privacy Policy.