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A Deep Heart Holds Onto the Light

Photography Cultural and Spiritual Art posted on Jan 30, 2011
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Description


My father is quite ill. He most probably won't see this, and if he did, he probably wouldn't recognize it anyway. After a month of struggles, he now rests in a deep sleep where I hope he's finding peace. We all hope he'll come out of this; but after the last days, he's become so ill, we no longer know his future. I dedicate this image to him---the city where he was born (Chicago), the skyline he's loved all his life, the pre-dawn on a spectacular fall day (his favorite season), and the light making its way to earth once more with all its magic, promise & transcendence. I don't know how this promise will reach my father, in what state, what journey, etc, but I want it to reach him. I want it to touch his heart, which is deep like an ocean and as impassioned... I've made many uploads of celebration here. I want to call this a celebration, but don't know how...yet it is one, it truly is. Because despite his emotional anguish, my father's reaching for the light with everything he has. In his fantasies, he speaks of "a world now free of all war, a world now free of all strife"; he's said, in his half-dream state, "so there's no more suffering, right?" (like a child), "so there's nothing more to worry about, right? I mean, we're all free now, right? yes? yes?" He says this and looks at me as if to wrench an answer out of me, urgent to know that peace has dawned at last and that---if he goes---the world will be at peace in his passing. I said, "yes Dad, peace is coming...it's coming". He looked at my quizzically and then nodded, "good...then I don't need to do anything anymore..." His language is apocalyptic, of one reaching for the light; and this week he seemed filled with that light, between the bouts & struggles that have rocked him each day... He may survive this: Please know, this is not a eulogy. He may come out of this. His doctors & nurses are doing everything to make that happen. But at this crossroads, his whole life sitting before him and he begging me & my sister to assure him that the world will be ok, we are left with a sense of bestowal, that he's giving a final gift, that somehow he's telling us "if the world is at peace, then it's ok if I leave you now". Whatever happens, this moment is as precious as any he's ever given, and I want to say---no, to sing---how much it means to me. In this community---RR---which is sacred to me & which has meant the world to me since I entered it nearly 3 years ago (it's almost 3 years), I wanted to come here and tell you that one of my roots on this earth is now reaching for a light beyond the eye, a light which is so special and so sacred that no religion can hold it, no myth nor legend can retell it (and which this modest picture can only hint at), and which only the nakedness of a deep & open heart can touch & embrace. And so I send my father all my love, and ask you, my friends at this very dear site, to 'witness' this with me and walk with me for this one moment. I needed to share this with you, this light, this life, and this promise. I needed to share it with all of you. I hope I'll return soon. But for now, I hope all is flowering sweetly for all of you. I've visited less than usual, but when I've looked, I've been reminded as I have through other illnesses as well, that light & beauty are greater than anything else on this planet, and that love---which abounds here like a great river---is bigger than life itself. A sweet sunday to all, and to my father: All the love in my heart, from your deeply hopeful & ever grateful son, who stands quietly before you in hope & unnamed gratitude,
Mark

Comments (30)


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RodS

1:50AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

My prayers and thoughts are with you this night. Your father has given you a gift of life and light - hold onto it always. No matter what happens, his light will always be there. A beautiful photo, and beautiful words. May you and your father find peace.

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Chipka

2:22AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

My thoughts and warmest wishes are with you, with your family, and especially your father. I've not had the chance to meet him, but I'm quite sure we would have gotten along incredibly well. In your touching words, you mentioned his love of Chicago, and his love of autumn. That shows in this image, and in so many ways it is autumnal...not so much in the crass and cliche-riddled implication of an impending winter, but in the more subtle promise of a coming spring AFTER winter. That's the problem with cliches, they're little more than a half-step. And so having said that, I'll say that I love this image and all that it represents. It is rich in feeling, color, texture, and most importantly, life. That's always the thing to embrace, no matter what. I learned that in Prague (yeah, like that is a surprise!) What I like about this dedication--and I agree, it's too soon for an emotional eulogy--is that it is quite a celebration. Some of us here might have had the chance to meet your father in person. I think, though, that all of us have met him--through you. That's the thing about fathers...when they're passionate, gentle, compassionate and all of those great things...they pass those things on to their offspring, and so in quite a few ways, you've taken what he gave and spread it around. What better gift (or celebration) is there than that? On a technical level, this is a superb piece of work. I love the pinkish-violet tones and the bold shapes of the Chicago skyline. I remember in my college days, riding along Lake Shore Drive (I loved calling it LSD) with friends (Pam and LaTonya, Cyrille, and Tony) and always seeing the John Hancock tower. We always called it "the Mother Ship" for reasons none of us remembers now. Whenever I see that building, I think of it as "the mother ship" and well...that's quite a pleasant memory for me. THAT--among other wonders--is evoked in this image and I truly appreciate it. This is a marvelous and sensitive piece of brilliantly-expressive work. I love the gleaming lights along the bottom of the image. They're like a pearl necklace, or--maybe in a more mythic sense--a string of promises, brilliant against a darker background. I suppose in a sense this picture is a promise, and I find immense comfort in mythic connections like that. Thank you for sharing this!

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beachzz

3:02AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Mark, you write of your father with such feeling and such love, it brings tears to my eyes. In these difficult days, you stand by him, watch over him, walk with him in this journey. Whatever the outcome, he will know you are there. And that, my friend, is a precious gift. I sent you much love and light and peace. Your foto is a perfect dedication for your father as well. His city, shown so beautifully.

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bmac62

3:08AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Wonderful note by you for your dad. It speaks volumes...the worth that you have seen in your father's life over your years and the sum of your feelings for this once-in-a-lifetime relationship that sooner or later must conclude. I appreciate you sharing with us what these last few days have been like...not the blow by blow activities, but the thoughts they have brought to your mind. As for your photo posted/postworked for your dad...perfect...in composition, in atmosphere, in mood. There is a dreaminess in the softness of the focus. A dreaminess that may well mirror your dad's experiences at this time. This is a beautiful tribute. We are all the richer for your art and your friendship. We are here now to support you, your dad and your sister. Much light to you my friend.

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durleybeachbum

3:23AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Your words moved me to tears, Mark.

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lyron

3:46AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

My prayer are with your father and all your familiy, Mark. Wonderful gift!!!

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auntietk

3:50AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

The light, the colors, the softness of this image speak to me of peace, of quietude, of holding and waiting. These colors are the kind of thing one enjoys in the moment, holding on to the experience, while at the same time knowing change is coming. It's a fine balance, to witness a sky like this, a skyline in this moment, to hold it as it is and to anticipate what will be. The tree trunk and its branch provides context, framing, a sense of solidity and safety. You are living a liminal moment. Breathe in every bit of it and enjoy the colors while they are visible. I know you wait with an open heart. May your journey through this time be rich and full of love. There's a rightness to this ... a healing ... no matter what happens. Incense is burning for you here, and it carries my love. You are in my heart, dear one. Take good care, and I will look forward to sitting with you in spirit and hearing your stories.

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helanker

3:52AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Dear Mark. To be with your father, now that he needs you the most, is, I am sure, a great comfort to your father, to you and to your sister. To be there holding his hand, gives him peace in his mind, either to get better or to what will come. Your words are deeply moving and touch me to tears. I am so glad you are with him, as I know, how much it means, especial in this situation, to be able to give back some of the love, you have been given. You know what I mean. Your Photo is most thoughtful and a perfect dedication for your father. I Wish you all strength. HUGS!

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myrrhluz

5:00AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Your words stirred my emotions, and touched me deeply. I too appreciate the sharing of your thoughts during this time. There is a magic in your image and in your words. Not supernatural, but the very natural and affirming magic of love and light. The morning light baths the buildings in purple tints that joins them together as they reach into the sky. It is a beautiful capture of the skyline that your father has so loved all his life. Your words speak of love that can not be bound by any particular creed, but flows through and connects us all. Whatever your father's confusion of mind during his struggles, that love shines through in his concern not for himself, but for others. This is a beautiful gift to your father and a generous sharing of yourself with us. My thoughts and best wishes are with your father, you, and your family. Love, light, and peace to you.

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Meglaurel

5:26AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

our love is with you at this time-we send peace to surround you all

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anaber

7:02AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

No much words,Mark.You put tears in my eyes.You did the most wonderful and deep and loving dedication i ever ever seen, sharing all your feelings,with all the beauty, that you have inside you and into your heart.Yes,... like childs...we arrive and we leave...Its an enourmous mystery,all this,before and after...and his words are so moving, as your answer also is...Your father is in my prayers and he will reach the peace and the light...when the time arrive. You, mark, you are his gift in the earth. I am emotioned with your vision of beauty,even so,and with your words of courage, that are words for all of us.Thank you very much.Your father is in my prayers,and i send you, the most deepest embrace, straight from my heart to yours.I will pray for you too.I send you light and love and my thoughts. Your image is wonderful, the lake and the city, into one not usual luminosity!It is a wonderful and great gift.Thank you Mark,for sharing this.Wish you and all the family, strenght and peace.

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jmb007

8:03AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

superbe image

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flavia49

10:20AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

a wonderful tribute and dedication!! I hope for the best for you father. a big hug!!

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tofi

10:25AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

I'm glad you haven't given up hope yet, Dear Mark... and never do, regardless of how the situation will change for you. It makes me so sad to read your words, as in more ways than you might know, I can empathize with you, as I've been just there. The worst part is the anticipation, and with every passing day a glimmer of hope, and then another really ugly feeling that seems to pass through as well. It's a rough time, I know.. the best that you can do is keep doing what you are doing, and surround yourself with those closes to you and to Dad. I'm glad that you are still finding the outlet to express yourself, not only through words, but through a magnificent and most meaningful image. It's so important not to shut people out now... and stay receptive to any comfort you might get. Your image is just beautiful! It seems to speak for itself as well.... the skyline is something magical, that I myself remember taking in, with deep sighs from a distance at one point of my life, and thinking how perfect life was... My prayers and thoughts are with you, my Friend. Remember to stay strong!

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magnus073

10:28AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

Mark, this was one of the most beautiful and touching dedications I've ever read my friend. This is something many people can relate to and all of us are keeping your Dad and you in our prayers. This image is magnificent and the love you put into it's capture and the dedication are second to none. Your Dad sounds like a great man, and the reason I know this to be true is because of how he raised his son to be one also. May God watch over your family during this time.

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MrsRatbag

10:45AM | Sun, 30 January 2011

What a rich image, full of depth and feeling! At my job now, because of the nature of the place (an oncology/hematology chemotherapy infusion centre) I have witnessed the final journey of many wonderful people. There seems to be a lovely translucence and acceptance (and even impatience!) that settles when that final doorway is in sight. The only sadness seems to be in those who aren't accompanying the traveler. I had never witnessed this part of life's journey until I began working here, and it's done a lot for my deepest fears to see the absence of fear that actually seems to accompany this stage. My prayers for your father's return to this world, if that is his fate; and if it is time for him to go through the door to the next, my prayers for a quick and sweet arrival. And of course my prayers are with you and your family in what is a very difficult time for all of you that watch and love.

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Sea_Dog

2:00PM | Sun, 30 January 2011

A superb image and wonderful dedication to your father, Mark. All my best wishes for him, you and your family

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sandra46

4:59PM | Sun, 30 January 2011

I'm very sorry to hear about your father, and I hope he'll be able to see this wonderful image in his honor. I'd like to send you my best wishes and a very huge hug, Mark.

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npauling

5:30PM | Sun, 30 January 2011

A wonderful dedication to your Father, Mark, and I do hope that he gets to see it as it will make him feel that his time on this earth was not wasted at all when he has a son that can carry on his hopes and dreams. You are right about light being so important in this world of ours and this capture you have taken with this particular shade of light shows the great variations that Mother Nature sends us to wonder at and enjoy. I send you and your family much love and peace and my thoughts are with you at this very difficult time. Hugs.

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goodoleboy

7:43PM | Sun, 30 January 2011

An appropriate image and poignant narration in observance of your father's life, Mark, his and your feelings, and all else connected to the present situation. I do hope he pulls through and wish you all the best. I am not a sentimental person, and do not believe in a god of intervention, so all I can offer is hope and faith in modern medicine with this comment.

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KateBlack10

7:42AM | Mon, 31 January 2011

I hold your heart in my heart dear Mark - may peace be with you, your father and your sister

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romanceworks

8:46AM | Mon, 31 January 2011

A father with a kind, wise, and loving heart is a true gift. You are blessed, and so is your father to have a son like you, reflecting his and your own goodness. I know you are spending precious moments with him now, and my heart is with you and your family. Wherever you are, there is always light and hope. It is a melancholy mood above, and yet there is a vibrancy of healing light and calming strength that reaches out and embraces. CC

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dragonmuse

12:42PM | Mon, 31 January 2011

Such a touching and thoughful tribute to your father.. He seems a courageous and caring man.. a man with a heart as big as the city he calls home. This is a special moment that he bestows upon you. Hold it close to your heart. My thoughts are with you friend. {{{hugs}}}

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amota99517

4:31PM | Tue, 01 February 2011

To celebrate the life that is your father is a celebration in itself. Your dedication is heart felt and does him honor. This is such a stirring shot and lightens the heart to look beyond. I wish you the best.

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faroutsider

2:54PM | Wed, 02 February 2011

Love truly is bigger than life itself, and your love for your father is obvious in every word you write, every subtle emotion you express, every blink of your eye and camera lens. This is a deeply moving celebration of your father's life that gives off such power and strength as he hovers at the doorway between worlds. Mark, you are one of the finest people I know, who I may never get to meet in person, but whose love for humanity is unfettered by distance, reaching across the oceans and deeply affecting all who are fortunate to be touched by your incredible personality. I agree entirely with Chip - we have met your father through you. Your gentleness, your care, your artistry, your expressiveness, are all imprints of your father, made into you by your own experiences but still reflecting your genes and your upbringing. Thank you for sharing your love, your joy, your pain for and of your father. My thoughts are with you and your family, dear friend.

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three_grrr

10:21PM | Wed, 02 February 2011

Some lives need to be celebrated .. whether they stay or go, they need to be celebrated. I suspect your Father is one of those who lived his whole life as a celebration. Prayers are ongoing .. for you Mark, for your Father, for your family. A time of twilight, with that marvelous light. A mystical time of hope. Not day, not night, that time when the winds stop and the world seems to hold it's breath for a few moments ..

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marybelgium

9:27AM | Mon, 07 February 2011

Mark ... I haven't been much on RR lately and just saw this wonderful and so very touching dedication. I wish you all the best my friend.

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novelist

5:47PM | Tue, 08 February 2011

Beautiful, Mark. Thanks for reminding me once again of the miracle of life and relationships.

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e-brink

6:07PM | Tue, 08 February 2011

A poem by Dylan Thomas... DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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CoreyBlack

9:16PM | Thu, 07 April 2011

Hi Mark! I looked at this when you originally posted it and ment to make a comment then but didn't until now. This is a great image. I love the framing device that looks like you've stepped out of the primordial and into the modern world. There's a freshness of focus here that makes me feel like I'm seeing Chicago for the first time, which takes some doing when you've lived here as long as I have! The light and the color are simply...wow. I like it a lot! I also must comment on how much I enjoy and appreciate your writing. It's so moving and honest and real. Very nice work all around my friend.


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