I Miss you (Updated) by naria
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Description
Well here's an updated version of "I Miss You"
Let me know what yall think, now. It's still a bit of a work in progress
Thanks to tjames and redbeard for all your help :-)
I Miss You
I made a mistake
Forgetting
I understand
Your anger
Burning inside
Like the fire once shared
But now
The fire smothered
Only embers burn
Waiting for loves rekindle
If given patience and time
The flame will rise
Comments (4)
redbeard
I see a huge difference. Nice work.
tjames
Using economy of words is a tricky thing: The idea is to still convey the emotion, using as few words as possible, in the most intense way possible. I feel this is the essence of good poetry. The question always is how much salt to use.
Jalen
I so relate to this poem..unfort my embers r dieing out n i dont want a new fire..n the old fire isnt a choice to rekindle...u r very descriptive..again I dont understand all the critiqueing..but i encourage u to wrtie what u feel or what u want to share..Jalen
EllaKristan5783
Beautiful... I love this so much... Great job...