THE VOICES Admit it, you will feel better for admitting it. After all, this condition affects all of us. We all do it. Admit it, you listen to the voices that are in your head. Ok, I'm not talking about the kind of voices that whisper sweet nothings to Hannibal Lechter. But, admit it, you can hear the voices. They talk to you all the time and control the way you go through the day. Me, Ok, it's a given, I'm not quite as "normal" as the average man/woman/wombat that you see on the street every day (side note: if you see a wombat on the street every day, please get professional help). In fact my voices have kind of ensured that I am not considered to be a "reality" type of person. You see, I believe that I have more voices than the average man/woman/wombat has. In fact I am convinced that I have more voices talking to me, than your average rock star has original ideas. To be brutally honest, I don't call them, "the voices" anymore. I refer to them as the Committee! Yep, at the physical age of 57, the mental age of 22 and the emotional age of about 11, I have a whole darn committee running my life. Last time I counted I had 43 of the little buggers running around in there. I think there are more now, but since any of them that came after the first 43 are really kind of new, they have been loathe to speak at the committee meetings very much It has taken some (quite eloquent) arguing on my part to persuade some of the Committee to allow themselves to be identified, and I am still working on the rest of them. However, I feel that if you are so mentally disturbed that you are still reading this, then you deserve to be introduced. These brief introductions are not going to be in any particular order. I will just look around the control room in my left frontal lobe and point out who is here and on duty at this time. First off, standing over there beside the exit sign is THE PROFESSOR, he is in charge of my inquisitiveness. Not as active as he used to be (partly because some of the things that he has been inquisitive about have been real bummers). He still performs experiments and keeps trying to learn more. However, he would be the first to admit that he has gone modern. He found out that with the advent of the internet that life could be kind of laid back. Oh, he still wonders about things, but has found it so very much easier to just it the search button on Google (he is from an old European family and pronounces it "Joogall"). I must admit that he still keeps his operating table polished to a very high sheen and the lightning rod free of cobwebs. But overall, the old inquisitiveness ain't what she used to be. IGOR, helps The Professor. Igor is in charge of, well let's put it this way. If there is a button with a sign that says......"Do NOT Push This Button".....Igor pushes the button. Light sockets are another of his specialities. Upon seeing the tag on the mattress, Igor got a beautific grin upon his face and pulled that sucker off. His favorite thing in the world is to have a raging thunder storm roaring around the house so he can go stand underneath the tallest tree in the yard. Oh, and he loves the yellow lights on traffic signals. ETHYL HYDROCHLORIC is one of my feminine voices. Ethyl is special. She has a voice that would make an off -plumb cement mixer green with envy. She wears a pair of overalls that are perfectly pressed and covered from top to bottom with sequins. I have hesitated to tell her that the combat boots, although cute, do clash with the sequins. Her job is to think of acid-tounged rejoinders to all the rude people that we meet during the day. It's a shame really, Ethyl tries so very hard, but she is just a little bit slow. She usually comes up with the "perfect come-back" about an hour after it is really needed. A sweet girl, I am really fond of Ethyl. If she was only just a little bit quicker on the uptake. I don't talk about the POSTMAN very much (weak stomach). He is in charge of a special area of the brain. You see, like everyone else, I get really, really angry at times. I know, it's hard to believe, but trust me on this. Sometimes what tic's me off is something or someone that is beyond reach or the consequences of reacting would be to great. This is where the Postman comes in. He has a tiny little room (way in the back, just above the stem. Yes it is a padded room, with good drainage. Sometimes you have one of those days that just really start your mental teeth to grinding, and the chalk of life screeches down the blackboard. This is the time for the Postman. He takes the offending part(ies) to his room (regardless of sex, creed, race, political party, education, or position in life), and does vile and unspeakable things to them. This makes you feel better, and because it is a padded room (with good drainage) nobody else knows. The GEISA TWINS are next. They are in charge of being obsessive/compulsive, or maybe compulsive/obsessive behavior. Myoko and Svetlana, ahhhh such beautiful twins. Myoko is about 4'10" with long black hair and almond colored eyes. Svetlana is about 6' with blonde hair and the most beautiful gray eyes you have ever seen. They are identical twins and I have trouble telling which is in charge of obsession and which is in charge of compulsion. I love them both and think of them obsessively, or was that compulsively? Speaking of twins. MAX MEMORY and MANNY MAMORY are two more members of the Committee. Actually I should say "were" members of the Committee. After the unfortunate incident with the accidental exposure to illicit pharmaceuticals in the early 1970's they haven't really been themselves. All they can do is remember oversized breasts. Actually, not a bad affliction when you get right down to it. HAMISH is in charge of two separate departments. Poetry and alcohol. Upon reflection, this is probably not that great an idea. Hamish's idea of poetry is blended scotch. his idea of good poetry is single malt scotch. I really like Hamish. GRACE N. FALLING is in charge of co-ordination. She is in love with Hamish. I think that is all I need to say about Grace. Over behind the bar in this lounge, is Humbert. Nuff said. The only other member of the Committee that is on duty tonight is the Chairman of the Committee and it's wisest and most intelligent member. THE MIME is his name. I know he is the smartest of them all, because he never speaks and that means that he has never been wrong! If they would listen to The Mime, they would always do the right thing and I would never be in trouble. However NOBODY in the history of the world has every paid attention to a mime, so there you are. So you see, I listen to the Committee and do what they say. I don't really mind it at all. I mean, they try to do what's right. They have our best interests at heart. They are correct more often than not. The only question I have is this. Why in the Hell can't one of them learn to balance a check-book"