I'm not even sure I should have posted this one...

as emotional as it is, it is still an amazing show of your feelings. it brought tears to my eyes hugs thank you for putting yourself out there, even though your doubting it now.

hugz back

tight hugs your emotions came through and hit me right in the heart...I am glad you posted it and I am sure it was therapeutic for you...

therapeudic yes, but it's starting to sink in... when my Dad died in 1993 it took me awhile to realize that I was changed by that forever and once again, I will never be the same as I was when she was alive... and the most terrifying part is that I'm not sure how much of ME is left to carry on this time. HUG

Both of my parents are still with me. One day they will not be. I'm afraid of the sorrow that will come. Thanks for expressing yours. And you're right in your comments, "I will never be the same as I was when she was alive". May the memories become sweeter and the bitter fade in time. -j.p.

Oh, how very moving. I lost my Mother from Cancer a year ago. You must be absolutely beside yourself. I'm so very sorry. Steve

Babes, of course you should have posted this! Each letter typed, each word formed, each sentence created expresses the grief and continues the healing. Keep going, let the muse take the pain and express it for you. HUGZ

I cannot but send my love and understanding for this beautifully written emotional outpouring.

Some people say it gets easier with time believe me it does not :)

I wish there were words in the English language (or any language for that matter) that I could utter to help level out some of the pain, but there isn't. There comes a point when words aren't merely words, a poem isn't merely a poem it goes far beyond that. Our work is an extension of ourselves, this piece truely defines the phrase "your soul on paper." Thank you so much for sharing something so personal. Luv and Squishes

Cara, I'm glad you posted this one... by being so raw and honest about your feelings, I'm sure you will be touching other people who have or will go through the same thing... but who cannot articulate the way you can. You are a wonderful writer, and as for wondering how much of YOU is left, quite a lot I'd say, because the starkness of your words is about as real as a person can get, so there has to be a place to draw that from. BIG HUGS. :)

thank you all, and especial thanks to SJConnick and Ferguson for their support and insight HUG

What a wonderful peak at all the emotions that you are filled with over this. Death is a tricky and complicated thing, and the condolences of any other person barely touch the heart as much as the grief that is wreaked after this sort of loss. Magnificently written, I was almost teary eyed.

Strengthen the 'connection' with her....listen closer and always talk to her....when my Mother passed, suddenly with no will, for months she would not let me sleep, she wanted all the loose ends tied up....now that both my Dad and Brother are terminally ill, she is stronger than ever....giving me some good advice. She hears you, just keep talking....the comfort is in the fact that our Mothers are still 'with' us. :)

Very illuminating into how you feel and honestly I could say one of a million "normal things" but I will try to avoid it :O) As she is your mother you are a moving and breathing...loving...energetic and obviously poeticly expressive part of her very much alive and well. You are part her and that doesn't die not in changing tides or if the sky should fall... it always remains and being a mom I know that the "things" she would have you do is to remember her in your heart and live...enjoy your life and the richness of it and keep writing. The fact that you say you can't do the tasks she asks really says to me that you just aren't ready for that yet but it comes in time like all else :O) My mother is still alive but I felt these things when my grandmother passed...she was ALWAYS there for me and for many years was my heart and soul really and when she passed I thought I lost that and part of my will to want to go on even...but I figured something preciuos out...she is me in some odd way a conection that not even time and space can break.. a bond that is untouchable and a love that is forever so maybe you will find that comfort too.... soon I hope and now that I did EXACTLY what I said I wasn't gonna do I am going to shut up, as this entry is like a book now I am betting ...anyway...take care sweetie and know that in everything and everywhere she is there and daily she is breathing her life into yours forever as it was the day you were born...HUGS!!! and AMAZING POEM!!! VOTE :O)

big sigh... they'll always be with us in our hearts & memories... beautifully said

Big Hugs...I can only say that I believe all that is you, your heart, your talent, your spirit, is strong enough to carry on and will.

Thank you for sharing this with us. A beautiful rendition of your pain through her loss.

Everyone, thanks for your insights and support hug

Thats good my mother is dying of cancer too.. so I know how it feels for most in my own way, sorry for your loss its a good piece though:) sad but good

thanks... I'm sorry about your mom...