I want to show what's in my heart and what I feel, but so scared of being hurt, so I hide behind this wall and this mask. But, which is worse? Because it can be so lonely behind this wall, behind this mask... I want to confide when I'm insecure. But so scared of these being used against me as in the past. But which is worse? Taking the chance, or holding it in? Hiding behind this wall, this mask? I want to stop doubting all your actions, for underlying motives. There has always been motives...and I have paid. But which is worse? Taking a chance that your actions are sincere, or playing it safe...hiding behind this wall, this mask? I want to call you friend, and have all that goes with having a friend...but, will you hurt me like the others? Or should I play it safe, behind this wall, this mask? I have so much I want to give, to offer. But would it be used against me, thrown back at me as before? Or should I just play it safe, behind this wall, this mask? I want to show when I'm scared or feeling insecure, to be reassured. But this has been used against me before. So, I show nothing, and play it safe...behind this wall, this mask. I want you to know the real me, not what I let you see. But in doing that, you see that I'm not as happy as I seem, but wounded and scared. You can use this against me and hurt me. So I hide behind this wall, this mask. I want to step out into the sun and feel it's warmth. But in doing so, have been badly burnt. So, I remain cold and lonely...behind this wall, this mask. So many more battles and questions that I have inside...and they all boil down to taking a chance...which is worse, taking the chance of being hurt in one of many ways, or staying lonely and cold behind this wall, this mask? Just a glimpse of the battle I'm having with-in... I know this isn't one of my best writings, but this is how I write, what I feel at the moment and no concern for grammer, puctuation, or rhyme. What I'm thinking, straight to paper, as with my journals. Just getting it out....