In my investigation of sonnets, I thought I'd really go out of my form and try a blues sonnet. The features are: The stanzas are grouped 4 groups of three-lines with a two line couplet to finish. The first line of a stanza is repeated, but diminished in the second line. The rhyme scheme continues on the third line. The volta is after the four stanzas so instead of having an 8-4-2 combination like in a regular sonnet you have a 12-2. The lines have 10 syllables and should be in iambic pentameter with the last couplet being a heroic (10 syllable matched pair) Well here goes... On the fifty-yard-line I still can't see; Sittin' at the fifty I still can't see; I'm so high the players look like bugs to me. A royal-rat's-ass I don't give today; No royal-rat's-ass will I give today; Without my glasses just can't see the plays. Can't see the scoreboard, it's just too far away; Yes the scoreboard is just too far away; It's a mystery just why I'm here today. I had those glasses gettin' in the car; Had those glasses when I got in the car; Now here at the game don't know where they are. So give me a hot dog and get me a beer; Noise from the crowd will tell me when to cheer. It sucks but the form is right wanna give it a try?

I've deleted this twice now. Third times the charm. :-) Hurt J.M. Strother Every time I see you we have to fight. Every time I see you, the same old plight. We just never see things in a new light. And every time we fight you go away. Every time we fight, go away to stay. You swear to God, this time it is to stay. The neighbors gawk, oh we create a scene. The neighbors talk, they think I'm so mean. But then they haven't seen what I have seen. Why don't we ever learn from our mistakes? Why can't we ever learn from these tough breaks? Why, when you leave me, do I get the shakes? Baby you just hurt me too much to love. I'll live without you, if push come to shove.

See now the rhyme on the sceond line is suppose to be the same word the words leading up to it are changed so the line is diminished. It's a repeating line at the head of each stanza. It would be more like: Every time I see you we have to fight; A line Ever time I'm with you just have to fight; A' line Never can be near you just can't stand the sight. a line No matter what I tried the coda seemed dissonant maybe because the "preamble" was down with the turn at the volta the coda had to be upbeat? It just didn't sound right. Not a bad poem, but you see the rub?

OK, I think I understand. Might give it another shot. jon

OK, here is another shot at it. Any closer? Breakers J.M. Strother In my eyes your beauty burns like fire In my heart your image burns like fire You are my all consuming desire. If I drop down and beg, will you see me? If I stand tall and wave, will you see me? If you'd but look my way, dare I believe? Hopeful heart anew sees you every day, Dashed yet again. I see you every day. Joy and pain renewed, when you come my way. Will you but pause, when I at last depart? Or mind my name, when I at last depart? Like Momma always said, Warm hands, cold heart. I am but a wave, breaking on your shore, Like so many waves, breaking here before.

Calls for a score hey where's nu-be when ya want him? I did another too:"Tomato soup Blues" In the cupboard just some tomato soup; Just one little can of tomato soup; Doesn't mean much I'm lookin' for some real food. Can't do no shoppin' just cant go today; Cant do no shoppin' must stay home today; Tommorrow is the day when I get paid. Here lies my sorrow and it's not a joke; My sorrow lies here and it's not a joke; Tomato soup that's it because I'm broke. At the first of the month I pay all the bills; The first of the month is when I pay the bills Tomato soup's just not enough to fill. Even though it's not what my stomach planned; Tomato soup is aaaaaalll I have on hand. I kind of envision a bass and alto sax doing the bop and weave to tomato soup with a piano doing the foreground melody at the end of each line you get u/ /u repeated three times by the saxes before the coda the piano could ramble a bit and come back in a jazz improv.

Some of the problem could be we tend to write poetry in Alexandrian lines(7 sllables with a natural after 4)Heroic lines(10 syllables) have fallen out of vogue. How much can one diminish the second line, and still have it follow and the improv when does that break out of the blues and fall into a cool jazz format?

My baby left me with a goodbye note I memorized every line of that note Even where she put all them angry quotes. Sad train moans like the beatin of my heart Over the whole world to every sad heart Across the distance keepin us apart. Train tracks dont move, they just keep on goin Like me on the move, I cant stop goin If I do my heartache will start growin. Rain is fallin no one sees me cryin' I miss my baby so bad Im cryin' Days like these make you think about dyin. When you hear the broken hearted train roar Treat your love sweet 'fore she slips out the door.

I knew you'ld come up with one. Again the question is how much can you diminish the second line of each stanza and on the coda how can you get it to end on a downbeat I had a long hold on the word "slips" here line 14.

Great poems! And I learned something that has bothered me forever: what's the meter for a blues? Thank you very much! (oh dear. Does this mean I actually have to try one myself? Lordy, I hope not!)

This is written tongue in cheek, just for fun. I don't listen to the blues, so I don't really understand them, to say the least. So I've got the blues, when it comes to the blues. Happy New Year all. :-) Blues Blues J. M. Strother Like I always said, I don't know the blues And I always said, I don't sing the blues So this shouldn't be any shocking news. Now I don't see the rhythm on the page. And I don't get any beat from the page, Looks like a big white rectangular cage. From what they say, first line's not diminished. What they always say, second line is diminished. Makes my head spin, and think I am finished. Seems I heard the turn had to be upbeat Seems I heard mine are always downbeat So no coins in my hat, on this mean street. At least now I know what a coda is But for writing blues, I just have no biz. jon

By jove I think he's got it...what d'ya say Jag should we bring out BB and Spyder and How about a little Ramsay Lewis Trio for a classical jam. The first line is fine the second is diminished....The question is did yore Dawg howl when you tried to sing it? Ynsaen...How about one about bad hair days I'll write one tonight :P some people have to work.

My dogs like to howl when I sing the blues; Yes them critters like to howl to the blues; They must be sad 'cause they aint got no shoes. They can't play no instruments with them paws; No guitar can be played with them old paws; They try to play but it's just a lost cause. So they howl when I play them guitar strings; I said they howl when I play them old strings; Oh so out of tune makes my eardrums ring. I told them old dogs to give it all up; See I told them two dogs to give it up; There's nothin' I can say to make them stop. So when I grab my guitar to unwind; Listen for the two worst singers you'll find.

Cmon they can't be that bad... In the mornin when I get out of bed; Yes in the morning whenI get out of bed; In the mirror there's a mop up on my head. My mouth is pasty tastes just like a shoe; My mouth tastes just like a dirty old shoe; And a mop on my head don't know what to do. I try to comb it but it won't flat out; I try to brush it still it won't do down; That bad hair blues it what I'm singin' about. Bad hair days make me feel like a jerk; Bad hair make me look like a jerk; So bad that I just can't come in to work. When I turn fifty I won't really care. Days will all be good I won't have any hair.