One thing that I've noticed lately in fantasy and sci-fi is the lack of imaginative insults. Frell just doesn't cut it. Going through a really rough holiday season, I think I could really use some creative insults/curses. Here's some insults that I've come up with: son of a sheep raper spawn of a maggot raper worm-faced deceiver jello-spined coward sack of rotted tapioca waste of maggot food walking waste reclaimation I'm not as good with curses: May your always miss your scabbard when you sheath your sword. May your sword taste only your own blood. Let's see what you guys can come up with!

What a cheerful holiday idea! Just kidding. :-) The problem with new and clever curses and epithets is that they seem to be contrived, more often than not. I think it's usually best to stick with the tried and true, unless there is a compelling reason deviate from the norm. At any rate, here are a few I've been known to use. Probably not all that creative or original though. You look like ten pounds of crap in a nine pound bag. Or more commonly: I feel like ten pounds of crap in a nine pound bag. Eat worms and die. You'd turn a maggots stomach. Or: It's enough to turn a maggots stomach. jon

Where's the Doc when you need him? He's thrown together some of the best I've seen.

"If I was your father, I'd demand you have my DNA surgically removed". Legume to Dr.Ken Musgrave, July, 2002

May your always miss your scabbard when you sheath your sword. I have a friend who witnessed just that at a martial arts competition. The guy neatly lopped off his thumb, bowed to the judges, picked up the thumb, and then hurried off the floor. Ghastly thought.

Pestiferous, unwholesome toad squeak pig gallows bird bantha poodoo Some I've come across in books which my sisters and I throw back and forth at each other on occasion.

Then there's the one my grandmother called someone, "bug-eyed tobacco worm picker"!

Fantasy curses: May your ship have a blessed voyage...off the edge of the world May all the children you have bread come looking for you May the hair on your head here after grow from your ears and your nose (I had this curse bestowed upon me) A toast to our annoying friend, may he find what he seeks and never come back this way....again Fantasy insults: Thy mother mated with the dragon in the doorway No, you did not surprise me. Your smell surprised me. That was great swordsmanship, for a _________ (ie - dwarf, as said by an elf) Oh good, the _________ is here to carry my bags. (same as above) You wouldn't know. It's a(n) ________ thing (same as above above) Yes, he's a strong as a bull....mouse. Misleading joke aimed at no one: You know what they say; big feet, big sandals.

My absolute favorite insults/descriptionaries are in "The Grinch Who Stole Xmas" and the children's movie "Matilda' (real title?), the school head mistress has some fantastic names for kids. I think "Hook" also has a scene where Robin Williams as Peter Pan is having a name calling contest with the boys of Neverland that's pretty crafty.

My current favourite when it comes to name calling is 'oxygen thief'.

I use a similar one; "S/He's a total waste of space." jon

When in doubt, always refer to the Rennaissance. They got truly creative back then. ;] Cyrano d'Bergerac coined some particularly well crafted slurs... Depends on how creative, and how contrived you care to get in dialoge. I like nu-be's examples: wiity is better than vile - unless the character is vile and you're trying to display that. Wry is better than contrived. "That's a stupid idea!" "Yeah? You should talk - you got brain cells that haven't spoken to each other in years, chup." Whatever it is, it should flow... and it should sound natural to the ear as dialogue. The "playing the dozens" scene in Aliens with Vasquez and Hudson trading "Anyone ever mistake you for a man?" quips is a classic. It just sounded like any of a hundred exchanges I heard on the streets growing up - rang true to the ear. "Waste of skin" "Waste of breathing air" "Hell, maggots wouldn't eat your corpse" "I shot a pig once thinking it was you... " disgusted "You're not worth the powder it'd take to cap you." "I've seen better looking stuff at the bottom of a toilet." "I didn't know they made idiots your size... " "You take stupid pills for a living, or what?" "Did your parents have any children that lived?" "I wouldn't wipe my crotch with you, boy." None of em are particularly exotic, but they get the point across... and they can be modified to fit a millieu. ;]