Sun, Oct 6, 6:02 AM CDT

Renderosity Forums / Writers

All Forums

Welcome to the Writers Forum

Forum Moderators: wheatpenny, Wolfenshire

Writers F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Oct 05 3:07 pm)



Writers Gallery

"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ---Anton Chekhov

Subject: I'm taking a little brave step here :)

Hyria opened this issue on Jan 25, 2003 · 9 posts
Back to Forum Print
Hyria ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:50 PM · edited Fri, 26 July 2024 at 4:36 AM

I am posting one of my poems hope you all don't mind :) It is by no means means my first poem so if you are curious and might want more just say so :) A Faes Plea Cry me a river, oh my lady fair of golden droplets and whisps of vanilla air to weave through the crevices of my emerald banks thus from thou sweet, lily perfume I drank. For now I reside in silent despair my heart has been beaten and, ohh my wings I tear I have built my banks anew, a fresh river can flow the warm scent of primrose has healed my soul. So cry me a river, my lady sprite In its currents and falls we can play and swim all night. My wings have regrown, once again I have my magik now I burn like a candle and its wick. 2-18-2001

Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh

geoegress ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:55 PM

nice :)

mysteri ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:24 PM

Certainly don't mind. I take it that's why this forum is here. As a regularity freak, some of the rhythm changes bug me, but I'll leave the really technical analysis to tjames. The "Cry me a river" phrase struck me as trite off the top, but by the time I got to the second line, I was willing to stick with it. I really liked your first stanza. Strong sensory wording and imagery.

Hyria ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:44 PM

thnx :) I don't do technical poem writing most of mine are almost like this. it just comes out :) I just wanted to share a lil something else besides my art :)

Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh

jstro ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:30 PM

Welcome. I'm no poet, so can't really critique it, but the imagery is strong. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.

Mechanismo ( ) posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:41 PM

awwwwww very nice .... very sweet im pmressed!

tjames ( ) posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 4:53 AM

You should have stuck around in the writer's chat room and now for a really technical analysis...very nice.

Cerpher ( ) posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 12:20 PM

I likes Hy. :) Don't get it. Of course. But I likes. :)

Crescent ( ) posted Tue, 28 January 2003 at 8:41 PM

I like the first stanza the best. The imagery with the golden drops and vanilla air really draws me into the poem. I'd prefer a little more regularity with the rhythm as well, especially since you set up the first verse so well. Thanks for sharing this. Now let's see some big, brave steps. ;-)

Privacy Notice

This site uses cookies to deliver the best experience. Our own cookies make user accounts and other features possible. Third-party cookies are used to display relevant ads and to analyze how Renderosity is used. By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understood our Terms of Service, including our Cookie Policy and our Privacy Policy.