Well, it's Saturday night, and for some reason it made me write this: Song of A Street Girl. Take me away from the crowded world, Give me an hour and you. I'll take you to secret places my love Find corridors you'll wander through. Speak to me sweet of your wildest dreams, Add a dash of your deepest fears, This night, you will take to the grave in time Pleasure haunting you down the years Through cities across the globe you could seek Until civilisation is dust, But never again will you find so perfect A vessel to sate your lust. It's later.. I disappoint you? But of course, what else could you expect? When I stand on a street to await you, Caring no more for you than the next. It's just time and the use of my body you buy A business transaction, No more, maybe less. For myself and my child I will desperately lie Unless you prefer I confess? All comments welcome. Shanna :-) ps Yes, I know, I've got this thing about dust!

(flagerbasted) Its awesome. Just one recomendation, change the title, let the reader figure out what you are talking about when they get to the part where it CAN be figured out.

Thanks. I'm trying to sort out a graphic to go with it, then I'm going to post it in the story gallery so any help before then would be much appreciated. We will take it over, one way or the other. WE ARE THE STORY FORUM lol Shanna :-)

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I hadn't read it, I was without internet access at the time that was posted. Thanks for the link, it was a piece I was glad to see. Shanna :-)

I thought you might enjoy a trip back in time. Chuck did an exceptional job with this one....graphic and poem. Look forward to seeing what you create from yours. :) How the same or similar themes are opened up by different people fascinates me........

Thanks so much for remembering a similar thought of mine, dialyn! You also said it well when you said, "How the same or similar themes are opened up by different people fascinates me." How true!

Sho's poem shows (oops, there I go again!) wonderful feeling. It's hard for poetry to "grab" me so when it does, it means you have captured a reader not normally disposed to poetry. While some might say that's a bad thing, I think it's a good thing.

 ![turkey.gif](http://www.chuck-n-michelle.net/images/turkey.gif)  Sure, you can strive to fly with the eagles but turkeys don't get sucked into jet engines.

Les Miserables sounds like Fontine. Are you trying to justify the oldest profession? The results will always be the same: hateful women. Sex as a business is loathesome. There is no love, only rutting amimals. I can't even conceive of using a woman like that. But then again, my body belongs to someone and I'm glad: I am my lovers toy and she is mine. Chuck, I remember the comments, my pride.

Hateful women, tjames? And nothing hateful about the buyers???? Were there no market, there would be no sales. Writing is not just about expressing ourselves, but exploring what we are not, to try on different viewpoints and see what happens. A fascinating process, I think. My body belongs to me and me alone and always will be so. I may have had more or fewer choices in my life, but it limits my perspective. What is true for me, what is true for you, may not be true for her of the poem. That's just the way it is. Hateful? Not to me. Sad. Depressing. Lacking the ability to see alternatives. Perhaps lacking education or insight. But not hateful. No, not hateful in Chuck's poem. Not hateful in my lesser effort. Not hateful in Shanna's. Not to me, anyway.

Excuse my ignorance, who or what is Fontine? No, I am not trying to justify anything. Why should I? It's not real. Funnily enough, I was hoping you would comment, I was hoping for some help on making it better as you seem to be the expert in this area. Your dislike of my 'take' on the subject aside, I would appreciate your advice if you are willing to give it. I am well aware it needs a lot of work, that's why I posted it. Shanna :-)

Dialyn, you posted while I was writing my last post. I'm off to find yours, which you never metioned! Take pity on me and post me a link PLEASE. Shanna :-)

Mine is in the same thread as Chuck's. His graphic touched me so that I wrote my own version. I agree with you...what we should be commenting on is the poem and not whether or not we agree with its viewpoint (the character's viewpoint, which I do not confuse with the author's). Alas, I'm not a poet. I can't give you the feedback you'd deserve from someone who is a poet. My apologies for that.

Dialyn, I liked your poem. Particularly the line about being bruised from mouth to soul. Serves me write, I just hopped on the link to go looking for the graphic! Shanna :-) Should read more.

Not a problem....I didn't expect you to read the whole thread. Fontine, by the way, is the prostitute in Les Miseables that Valjean tries to help. She dies and leaves her child in his care.

P.S. I didn't just remember that...I looked it up. I don't want anyone thinking I'm that well versed in Les Miserables when I'm not. But I don't think the point of Fontine was that she a prostitute, but that she was yet another symbol of the oppression and poverty of the times. My take on it....wouldn't want to be quoted on it. That Valjean could look beyond her poverty and degradation and extend kindness to her, to the point of adopting her child, makes shows his good heart and purity of mind. But I'm sure there are other ways of looking at it.

Fontine despised the men she was with. First she was fired from her job in a one-business town because she wouldn't "put out" for her boss. Then when it was obvious that her man would not return from the sea for her and her daughter, she regretfully fell into the business. The sailors treated her as meat, without emotions they would satisfy their lust anywhere. The townspeople hated her, and she them, because they knew her. When her boss tried to buy her, she refused; when he tried to rape her, her complaints to the police landed her in jail. She hated all of them especially Valjean, for it was his fault she had come to this. In this respect D, I would agree that the buyers are also hateful.

tjames, this is all very well and good (I'm not arguing Les Miserables or prostitution any further)....it still has nothing to do with giving Shanna some feedback on her poem as a poem, which is what she very reasonably asked for.

I was giving an answer to explain who Fontine was and how it fit in with thread #8.

The poem reminded me of that character. I tried to explain my feelings to the author,

and why I used the words I did.

The sales pitch vs. the reality. Made sense to me. I read it aloud two or three times and stumbled at "It's later.. I disappoint you?" and at "A business transaction, No more, maybe less." I'm no poet, but to me the meter seems off at these two places. I think something like It's latter now, and I disappoint you," or similar might work better. Not sure how I'd work up the transaction part. Prostitution is not one of the professions I admire, but I think you paint with an overly broad brush, tjames. I actually know a former prostitute, and I can't think of a less hateful woman. There are a myriad of reasons people (not all prostitutes are women) fall into prostitution. And it is certainly a topic oft visited both in prose and poetry. jon

Just to clear something up, as this post reads to me as a potential source of misunderstanding tjames very kindly sent me an im offering to critique this line by line if I sent it in an email, which I have, and he is doing. We are all fortunate to have a right to freely express our own opinions here, and I personally respect anyone prepared to stand behind their own beliefs whilst not hindering others in thier right to a different viewpoint. Without someone to play devils advocate or outright disagree/disapprove, aren't we all just pointlessly patting ourselves on the back? Shanna :-) now falling off soapbox ps, I hope that all makes some kind of sense.

almost forgot. Sales pitch, that was exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote it. I was writing it as It's later (pause) I disappoint you As I tend to hear my stuff in my head I tend to apply my own speech patterns and sarcastic/sorrowful etc... tones of voice which sadly don't carry over to other people. It's one of the things I'm trying to improve. Shanna :-)

Well, I hope tjames does not take my comment as a personal attack, it certainly was not meant as one. I just think The results will always be the same: hateful women. is overly broad. I agreed with most of the rest of his assessment of the occupation. But each person is their own story, usually a very sad one, with different motivations and situations driving them. I could not agree more that everyone needs to be able to freely express their opinions and share their own view on things. Makes perfect sense. jon

Well, once I saw the red lettering, I lost interest in reading the message. Branding anyone with scarlet letters went out with Nathanial Hawthorne. So I don't know what tjames wrote nor will I read it now. I'm glad tjames is reading your poem as a poem, Shanna. While certainly we have had some lively discussions on this forum that have gone off track, my point was simply that personal preferences and overgeneralizations were not being responsive to your quite reasonable request to have your poem critiqued. I find the men who buy women to be more hateful and despicable then the women themselves (who may lack the education or intelligence or moral instruction to understand they have other choices--though I understand some women choose the profession, there are others who don't understand all that is involved with that choice), but that's personal with me and I don't expect anyone to agree with me nor would I force agreement with that position (so as to speak). I don't, by any means, like or understand everything that is posted in this forum. In truth, I often have trouble deciphering the meaning of some postings here. But no matter, I try to retain respect for the person posting no matter how I feel about the content of their writing. That's all. I'm sorry about all this, Shanna. You're a very talented writer. I've no interest in further derailing the analysis of your poem as a poem. I am not a poet. I can offer no insight or critique on the poem...I would not be so egotistical to pretend to be what I clearly am not. Therefore I am gone from this thread.

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Oops, link above!

Thanks Joe I needed a plug today.

Stumbling on certain lines brings a bit of poignance to the story. Of course she stumbles, of course things ring untrue. The life she leads is difficult at best and impossible at its worst. Personally I like it. And as my poetry shows... rules are meant to be broken. Nice work Shoshanna