I just found out that the girl I was about to have a date with already has a boyfriend. Now she doesn't have time (again). I'm so depressed :((( I would really like to beat up that guy that is her boyfriend right now. Lucky for him I don't know who he is. Should I just give up or give the guy some competition? Last time I didn't give up I ended up fighting my opponent. After I beat him up and he walked away with his face messed up the girl got mad at me and my chances where over completely. I don't want that to happen now. Life can be so hard :(

Does SHE say she has a boyfriend? If yes, then walk away or at least don't push the issue. If no, then, if you really want to, be friends and see where it may go. Do not push! That never works and only alienates. The above is personal opinion, but it has always worked for me. Richard

I agree with Richard. Don't push, it's useless, and most of the times you achieve the opposite result. Gotta talk with her and listen to what she says... The fact that a girl has a boyfriend isn't a strong enough reason to stop you courting her ;-) But, if she's serious about him, better let go. Just MO, of course. S.

Fighting over a girl is pointless. Be her friend, and see what happens, but as you learned last time, resorting to violence from a position of weakness means you lose.

Don't set your sights on just one girl. Try being friends with girls too. Sometimes, when a girl gets to know a guy as a friend he becomes very very attractive to her. Good luck and never fight unless you're being mugged or something, but never fight over a girl. Angela

This sounds allllllllll too familiar, well w/o the beating up part...haha. Of course my problem always was liking girls and they all wanted to just be friends...yeah, it's safe to say I hate that line of bs. Most of those girls that 'just wanted to be friends' hasn't talked to me in years. Oh well...haha MD

I had a similar situation before, unfortunately the other guy was a close friend of mine, fortunately I succeeded. DO: -Be yourself, that way if she loves you, it's really you and you don't have to put on a show. -Be persistent if you really want her. -Be a good friend, it's a great way to develop attachments and know each other better. -Allow her time to become comfortable with you. -Be funny and easy going even when things go wrong. -Listen to her and Compliment her sincerely. -Make her experiences with you pleasant/good ones. -Compromise! No two people are exactly alike so learn to give and take. DON'T: -Fight the other guy. It works in the movies, but in real life it will end in tragedy. -NEVER give her the impression that you are forcing her or pressuring her. -Talk about yourself too much, give her a chance to desire to know you better. Apparently both you and the other guy want her, the decision is ultimately up to her; and that's what your'e really fighting for: her decision/her love. Well those are just my opinions. They may or may not work for you, but they worked for me. =)

Thanx for the support. I won't start any fights by myself. (Didn't start the last time either. He didn't like me messing with his girl and I didn't like his attitude. When he hit me I just could't keep from hitting back.) I'll try to stay friendly all the time. I told her how I feel and she doesn't hate me, but she did say she really cared about the other guy. I quess that puts me in the a position with very little chances. I'll try to just keep socializing. Although that's exactly my weak point. I've just gotten a little bit too narrow minded and can't really start an interesting conversation anymore about anything else then computers, music or science. If I do succeed I usually end up getting people to share all kinds of personal stuff they never actually wanted to tell me in the first place. Wich usually ends with the other feeling embaresed.

Rayraz, I know the feeling dude. Man I tried for 3 years to try to meet girls in every which way...but I'm interested in 2 of the most boring things in life (according to some)...1) computers and 2) baseball. But now I met a girl that enjoys baseball and doens't mind that I'm on the computer often. Hey it got me to Wilmington with her...hehe...but that's kinda how we met too so I guess it goes both ways. Just keep hacking at it. The dating game is no fun at all unless you can kinda keep it fun. I just did my damndest job in showing girls I truly cared about them because eventually, the girls end up dating a guy that they are friends with because they got to know you before you started dating, etc. MD

Stick with it Rayraz :) You'll do fine as long as there's no hitting the other guy involved. Personally, I'm a girl and I don't think girls are worth fighting over(at least not fist fighting) Some one always gets hurt and then no one ends up with who they want to be with anyway because everyone is mad at each other. This girl sounds like she's being honest with you too, telling you she cares about the other guy. Be honest with her and be friends with her. You never know, things might not work out or something and you'll have more of a chance than someone she really doesn't know :) Just hang in there:) There's a right person for everyone out there I believe(well, with a few exceptions, my ex for example:P) You'll find someone really special someday :) Squeeka

For me, I found the love of my life, when I quit looking for the love of my life. ( 20 years and still going strong ) I'm a strong believer in chivalry, and I will defend a woman till my death, but fighting for a woman's love is pointless, no matter which way it goes in the long run you'll end up losing. And any woman who would have you fight for her love, isn't worth having. ( IMO )

Stephen Ray has hit it right on the head. Often people find their special person when they stop looking. I think its because when we look too hard we communicate insecurity which winds up driving others away. Be comfortable with yourself and comfortable with the fact that "it" will happen in due course. And as Squeeka points out sometimes it takes a few tries! Best of luck

I met my man through other friends, we would all go out socially and over time we talked more and more until we realized that we didn't want to be with the group any more and wanted to be together. That was over two years ago and we're still going strong. I had also given up on finding someone when I met someone but my someone special turned out to be a friend. Strange how the world turns. 8) Catlin

All the advice above is good, listen to it, fighting over a potential mate may work in the animal kingdom, but we have intelligence (supposedly). You will find your match, when you stop trying, I did, love finds you when you least expect it. I guess Eros has a twisted sense of humour that way...be a friend first, let the rest follow, the biggest thing is to 'listen' to what she says, that's where you pick up clues to how she feels about you, it WILL happen, just be patient...8] Zhann (10 years and counting)

My Dad always said,'Love is like a fine wine, it takes years to nuture, and a lifetime to savor...'

I wasn't really searching for it either. It just happened. I've known the girl for a couple of years and always knew there was something different about her. Unfortunately all kinds of situations prevented me of becoming friends. Untill recently we where going to play a solo for two viola's together for a concert. We have to practise together for that and I finally saw my chance to become friends. After a while I started to get to know her a little better. The thing with playing music together is that a certain connection is developing. You communicate through the music, at important places you just look into each others eyes and you understand what to do. One time when we looked at each other it was just suddenly happened. It was just BANG and time seemed to stop. The feeling has been there ever since. I remember she asked if I was okay, because I completely missed the notes and was playing rubbish. I needed several seconds to get myself together again and I could only mumble a very unconvincing 'I'm fine'. I hope she will let me be a friend so I can hope that things between her and the other guy don't work out.

My wife won me in a bet....... nuff said really.

Rayraz, hang in there. Like everyone's saying, being her friend will always get you further. As far as the fighting thing goes, skip it. Most women think that men who fight over them are assholes. The few women who like that sort of thing tend to be assholes themselves :-) Besides, even if you won the fight, she's more likely to hate you for hurting her boyfriend. Remember, it's always going to be her choice, whatever happens. The trick is to be someone worth choosing ;-)

Ray, Just get a Harley or an old Triumph and you'll have more girls wanting to date you than you can handle. be cool, - TJ

I don't really see any connection with a Bryce discussion here but here goes. I agree with everyone who says to just let her go and move on. I learned that the hard way 26yrs ago when I got into a fight over a woman and was going to work everyday from the county jail for 60 days. Then picking up my check from the county courthouse for 1 month short of 2 years for the guys medical and missing work compensation. Not to mention all the legal fees and the fines. As a Harley owner I agree with bikermouse. I've been married 18 years now after 2 failed shots at it and life is great.