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"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ---Anton Chekhov

Subject: New poem

Ianfe opened this issue on Jan 31, 2004 · 4 posts
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Ianfe ( ) posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 2:27 PM · edited Tue, 12 November 2024 at 8:30 PM

Hey guys, I wrote a poem for one of my images, I'd sure appreciate some comments, as it's not my usual style.
The link is
Is there....?
Thanks,
Ian

Ianfe ( ) posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 2:28 PM

...and please excuse the lack of punctuation in the earlier post... had some trouble with the HTML format

tjames ( ) posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 9:08 PM

In S2: "And so the stars, fly overhead like swarms of eagles, and leave the thought, our bows uncertain." how about: "And so the stars fly, Swarms of eagles, and leave the thought, our brows uncertain." Dropping the overhead improves the flow and bows just doesn't make any sense.

Ianfe ( ) posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 11:47 PM

hey tjames, thanks for the comment and the suggestion. I'll certainly keep them in mind when enough time has passed. I usually don't touch anything I write for a week or two so I can be objective about it. Thanks again.

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