RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE. Men only have ONE rule for every occasion! #1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. #1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. #1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. #1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think that way. #1. Crying is blackmail. #1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!! #1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. #1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? #1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Please pick one. #1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. #1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor. #1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you hear it. #1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. #1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. #1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you. #1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. #1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. #1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. #1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is. #1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. #1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. #1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. #1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!! #1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. #1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. #1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape. Thank you for reading this. Yes I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

ROFLMAO, this is soooo true, excellent! If I could I'd vote as well ;-)) thefixer poser coordinator.

Amen to that! Funny how we're the same species and yet Men & Women behave so differently. Keeps life interesting I guess.

LMAO This is so funny... can't say its true cause i'm a women.. but I know I have done quite a few of those... I'll remember not to ask hubby if i'm fat again! lol! :P Ryuslilangel Poser Moderator

LMAO :)

LMAO!! thanks for the laugh but men still dont have us figured out , these are simple get arounds :P~~

LOL... crying is blackmail. How true... Mariana, we don't mind figuring you out. We don't mind figuring you out over and over again. But we do mind figuring out the same thing about you over and over again at inconveinient times...

Message edited on: 05/11/2005 17:41

Ya fergot a couple; #1. If it don' fit in my pocket or wallet, keep it. A.K.A: Hold yr own damn purse. #1. Yes, the 3 Stooges ARE funny...get over it. #1. So are farts. & an addendum to #1; No, those pants don't make you look fat...all the chocolates & bonbons ya keep stuffin' yer face with make ya look fat.

Quote - We need it up, you need it down.

If you do a net search you will find out that not all girls sit down :P It takes practice, but once mastered.... ;)

#1. We don't want to change and we want you to stay the same.

#1. We don't want to hear about your ex-boyfriends.

#1. Just because you order a salad doesn't mean we aren't going to order what we really want and eat it in front of you.

#1. Taking you to a click flick isn't our idea of foreplay. Neither is washing the dishes or hearing your complaints.

Message edited on: 05/11/2005 17:53

Oh yeah...almost fergot... #1. Fuzzy toilet seat covers are NOT decorative, they a dirty trick to keep the seat down. & I MEAN DIRTY...you try urinatin' while liftin' 2 objects...takes payin' attention, & ya know I can't do that (Ya keep tellin' me I don' know how to)

ROFLMAO omg im laughin so hard ya'lls nuts hugs the freebie and paints the inside of his toilet in the bulls eye fashion

#1. Believe it or not, we don't know when your time of the month is. We don't keep track either. It's up to you to tell us. #1. We're not going to remember the details of what happened to every single friend you've ever had. #1. We have no understanding of girl talk and why it takes so long to transmit all that information, especially in public when we want to go home. #1. Admit the fact that you do look at other men. #1. We are not and will never be your father. #1. Crying or batting your eye-lashes to get something you want pisses us off. #1. We are in touch with our feelings: happy, horny, hungry, and pissed off.

If you dont want to date us and just be "friends" ......Fine!!!

just remember as a "friend" you get NO special considerations
we WILL Ogle ,gawk ,leer at other women in your presence.

our Male buddies dont mind this in fact they encourage it.

so making snide remarks Like: "dont break your neck" or
"I thought your eyes were going to pop out"
,is NOT acceptable .

So PLEASE refrain from such remarks "pal" ;-)
oh and disparaging every semi slutty chick in a mini-skirt
is NOT what we men want our "buddies" to do either

also our male Friends can sit in room with us for several hours
without us saying a word and not be concerned that we are "angry "with them.

and YES it is possible to watch THREE TV shows at one time
thats why man invented the remote control and commercial breaks :-)

Message edited on: 05/11/2005 18:40

And in addition to wolf395's comments

#1. If you want to be more than friends, then don't gawk at our male buddies.

#1. We know our male buddies are slightly annoying to you, that's why we like them.

#1. Chances are, we don't want to spend time with your female friends. Girl talk doesn't exactly intrigue us.

#1. Just wanting to be friends doesn't entitle you to be a cock block when we are hitting on someone else.

#1. Believe it or not, we can be just friends with women. That doesn't mean we will want to be friends with you.

#1. We don't need to be your friend in order to want to sleep with you.

Message edited on: 05/11/2005 19:04

hoo boy..I can see a lot of bathtubs bein' populated tonight..;) I just have 2 rules

1. The Woman is always right
2. In all other cases, refer to rule #1..;)

"If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?" - George Carlin

LOL. I agree with all those and Im a woman. hehe. Allways had guy freinds..so I hear alot of what pissed them off etc. Never once tried to cock block, hell I would try to get them hooked up if I could. Even If I Had a little crush on the guy..I mean buddies are buddies ya know?

I dunno where yr stuffed panda bear is...have you seen my lucky shirt? Will you marry me, Spudgirl? ;-)

Message edited on: 05/11/2005 20:51

man o man men are strange

3 rules for men and women living together 1. If you bought it, chose it or otherwise brought it home, you clean it. 2. He will never change, she will never stop talking. Deal with it. 3. Toilet seats need exercise. Always up or always down bores them.

I've always considered the toilet seat issue to be an equal opportunity situation. Both the seat AND the lid should be down. Men, being generally stronger, get to lift both seat and lid. Women get to lift just the lid. That way everyone is lifting something :)

#2: IANAHG :: I am not a Hindu god. Don't expect me to do things that would need me to have 3 or 4 hands. #3: One topic at a time. I cannot think and listen at the same time. #4: Get what is asked for and don't substitute and don't makeshift. #5: When I come home I leave work at work. Don't ask me what I did at work. #6: We stay here until departure time. If you try to squeeze a shopping trip in and don't get back in time, you will be left behind. #7: "Get the children's bladders empty just before departure" means what it says, not straight after breakfast to get the job out of the way and afterwards they fill again. #8: Keep the toilet seat and lid down. It keeps flies (= insects) out. #9: It is not 3 days by camel to the front room to get cutlery or to put cutlery away. #10: At jam-making time, your miscellaneous assortment of hangers-on and fellow church members will have to buy their own stuff in shops like anyone else. We are not mediaeval peasants and we will not be last in the queue for our own produce. #11: Yes, I did take your church leaflets to my scuba diving instead of delivering them. #12: Why your kettle is not boiling, is because I switched it off. Making and drinking a cup of tea does not take zero time.

Message edited on: 05/12/2005 04:46

All those rules probably exist in most languages - I've read most of those in Polish. So, we are different and we have to live with it, it's true whether we're from Poland, USA, Australia, Brasil or any other country ;) Thanks for a good laughter, especially on the toilet seat needing excercises :D

#1 Just because I'm not doing it right now doesn't mean it isn't going to get done. #1 If I've been out with my friends, trust me, you do NOT want to know what we talked about. "Women say they have sexual thoughts too. You have no idea. It's like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. Believe me, if you really knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us." - Larry Miller

DrunkMonkey "Women say they have sexual thoughts too. You have no idea. It's like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. Believe me, if you really knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us." - Larry Miller lol if u guys knew what we were thinking you feel the same lol

Oh I don't know about that :-P

Oh, you men are all just silly, lol!! Women's number #1 Rule, all men think the same way!! At least we women have our own thoughts, ha! I do paint my nails a different color than my friend Donna, and I always wear my hair up, not down like Christie..hee

wow My sex intiating glad in much bigger then that...LOL..actaully it takes up most of my brain, and you tought guys were bad? Dam!

My favorite rule for men striving to deal with women: "In an argument, the woman always gets the last word. Anything the man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."

mine too spud lol

Back when I was dating my future bride hers was larger than that too. After we got married it shrunk to that size. Now that we've been divorced for quite some time it's enlarged again. She was even engaged for a while and I tried to think of a way to warn the guy that she didn't believe in sex after marriage. So spud, shadow, um doing anything this weekend? ;-P

I solved all those issues last year: I got married to a woman. This way, the toilet seat is ALWAYS down when not in use. When I want to go shopping, my wife always comes with me. We watch the same TV shows so we do speak only during commercials. We both never forget an anniversary or a special occasion. We're both scared of bugs so we don't bother asking the other to kill it. Etc... And most of all, neither one of us rules... our little dog girl does! loll France

"#1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we." He wasn't quite sure where he was going and didn't really know where he was when he got there. "#1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is." I must be a real different kind of guy since I can see many more than 16 colors, my screen is currently showing 4 shades of blue and 3 shades of green, along with other colors as parts of browser menu bars and window frames :-) btw, Mauve is an odd sorta purple shade that's frellin' hard to describe. :-) Yes, that 1880's era dress DOES make you butt look fat, that was that fashion back then, you bunch up 4 yrds of fabric in one spot it'll make Twiggy look fat.

LOL drunkmonkey, dont know if my guy would like that. Hehe. Mine shunk after marrige to, when you marry the wrong person it will do that...mines alot bigger now that Im not with that person anymore. LOL