I'm no longer an internet virgin. :lol:

Got the following this morning...

*HELLOW,

I NORMALLY INTRODUCE MY SELF BEFORE I EXECUTE MY JOB,AM DON JOSE ANDRES

MARTINEZ,AN ITALIAN CITIZEN,YOU CAN SEE THAT BY MY NAME AND AT THE SAME TIME A HIRED

ASSASSINE (AN ASSASINATOR) THAT IS MY JOB.

I LIKE TO GO STARIGHT TO THE POINT,SOME BODY PAID ME US $350,000.00 (THREE HUNDRED AND

FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN DOLLAR) FOR ME TO KILL YOU WHILE THE

REMAINING BALANCE OF 150,000.00 (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND) WILL BE PAID AFTER

THE JOB IS COMPLETED.

BUT BEFORE I CARRY ON MY DUTY,I NORMALLY LIKE TO HEAR FROM THE PERSON BEFORE HE OR

SHE WILL MEET HIS SUDDEN DEATH,I WILL LIKE YOU TO BRIEF ME THE REASON WHY YOU ARE

INVOLVED/ABOUT TO BE ASSASSINATE.

MY BOYS ARE NOW AFTER YOU,THAT IS TO SAY,THEY ARE NOW MONITORING YOUR MOVEMENTS,8

OF THEM HAS ARRIVED IN YOUR COUNTRY (THE SPIES TEAM) WHILE THE REMAINING 7 WILL BE

ARRIVED NEXT WEEK WHICH IS (THE EXECUTION TEAM)

AS SOON AS THE EXECUTION TEAM ARRIVED,CONSIDER YOUR SELF AS A DEAD PERSON BECAUSE

THEY WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY OFFER OR WHAT EVER FROM YOU.I WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT

YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS MAY BE INVOLVED ONLY IF YOU MAKE THE REPROT TO THE POLICE OR

ANY ENFORMANT AGENCIES,THAT IS TO SAY,IF YOU TAKE THE MATTER TO THE POLICE,

I MEAN ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS WILL BE DEAD WITHIN A SHORT TIME BECAUSE I NEVER MISS

A TRAGET,I HAVE BEEN IN THE FIELD FOR GOOD 34 YEARS AND SINCE THEN,I HAVE NEVER

FAILED/DISAPPOINT ANY OF MY CLIENTS.

SO,BE WARNED TILL I HEAR FROM YOU IF YOU LIKE.

DON JOSE, 

*Pretty flattering to think someone thinks I'm worth that much. 

jeez, I'm glad now that I never open those. that's a new low, even for those nigerian 419 scammers. sleep with one eye open and keep yer gat loaded.

Quote - jeez, I'm glad now that I never open those. that's a new low, even for those nigerian 419 scammers. sleep with one eye open and keep yer gat loaded.

Well, it wasn't in my spam box and curiosity got the better of me. :)

Yes...and Don Jose Andres Martinez sounds so Italian. 

I'm not sure at the moment whether it would be better to get a death threat (albeit insanely fake one) or the offer of a hojillion dollars, as long as I put up a million of my own first.  :lol:

SamTherapy, compared to you I'm lucky. I just inherited 9 million dollars from some Nigerian I never heared of. I wonder if this is the Rendo-relataed spam issue?

It's a typical con approach -- if they won't fall for the "nice guy" bait, then move on to threats & intimidation.  Telephone boiler-room types follow a similar approach.  They'll start out by sounding legit, move on with fabulous offers -- and go from there to yelling at their mark, threatening them and calling them names.  This method can sometimes work with elderly people & weak-minded types.  It's about as sleazy as it gets.

Boiler-room types should be given 40 lashes in the public square.  With a cat-'o-nine-tails delivered by a 19th-century bosun.

OMG paul....lol....too funny. I'd send it to The Sun or the Daily Mirror......specially as there was something in the sun today about boiler room scams. Ill try find the article and post it.....

I've won the lottery about 12 times today, same yesterday and day before etc.. plus had so many job offers to or wills left to me. I'm so rich I could buy rendo for each and everyone of us!

You should write them back telling them that not only is it a federal offense to threaten an American FBI agent, it's punishable by death and that the FBI now has a team of 90 people heading to kill that guy!

LOL yo man it's free enterprise at work, demand and supply, they got eat too...LOL!!! Yes indeed Don Jose Andres Martinez sounds so Italian just like Micheál Seán Darragh sounds Spanish. Please, no offense to the Italian and Spanish folks on the board.

Guess he was hoping that you would write back and counter that 150,000.00 fee!  LOL

You can always write him back, offer him a million dollars to call of the hit, and ask for his bank account number to wire him the money.

Later, you can mail him, to notify him that he is the lucky UK Lottery winner.

Then after that, you can inform him that his relative, Maria Maria Gonzalez Romero Hernadez Martinez has past away and left all of her money to him, but once again, you will need that account number to transfer the funds.

Had we known you were eagerly awaiting something like this, I'm sure one of us would have come up with something more creative. ;) Why am I seeing little Spy vs. Spy men slithering all through your garden and drain pipes? They must think you're one bad dude to send 15 guys after you....

Nah, those are his groupies slithering all through his garden and drain pipes.

Im laughing so hard here......gonna go rest b4 I do myself an injury lmao

:lol:

I switched to Linux and still get a few of these (money related)... I thought it was MS bs. Guess not. Sorry about that new one, Sam. That's a new low...

Edit,,, here's my version today (new twist)

CENTRAL BANK/UNITED NATIONS 2007
COMPENSATIONS PAYMENTS DIRECTIVE.

ATTN:Sir/madam,

SCAMMED VICTIM/1 MILLION BENEFICIARY.REF/PAYMENTS CODE:06654 1MILLION USD

This is to bring to your notice that I am delegated from the United Nations And Central bank of Nigeria to pay 100 Nigerian 419 scam victims $1 Million each, you are listed and approved for this payments as one of the scammed victims,get back to us as soon as possible for the immediate payments of your $1 Million compensations funds.

On this faithfull recomendations,I want you to know that during the last UN meetings held at Abuja,Nigeria,it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meetings on the lose of funds by variouse foreigners to the scams artists operating in syndicates all over the world today,in other to retain the good image of the country,the president of the country is now paying 100 victims of this operators $1Million USD each,Due to the corrupt and inefficient banking systems in Nigeria,the payments are to be paid by Central bank Nigeria as corressponding paying bank under fundling assistance by the National westminster bank london.

According to the number of applicants at hand,84 beneficiaries has been paid ,half of the victims are from the United States and Asia,we still have more 16 left to be paid the compensations of $1Million each.Your particulars was mentioned by one of the syndicates who was arrested in Lagos Nigeria as one of thier victims of the operations,you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to him for any reason what so ever,the US secret service is already on trace of the criminal.

You can receive your compensations payments via ATM CARD PAYMENT.

Furthermore you are advice to reconfirm you billing address include your full name and direct contact telephone number to the Managing Director Swift Card Consultant Payment Center for the issuance certified ATM Card, the contact information is as follows:

MANAGING DIRECTOR SWIFT CARD
CONSULTANT PAYMENT CENTER.
Email:
TELPHONE: +234-1-7926469
NAME: Rev Dr Patrick Azziza.

NB Please do not reply to this E-mail,contact the Managing Director Swift Card Consultant Payment Center immediately with the necessary information required from you so that they commence on proceeding.

Yours faithfully,
Mr Smith Milton. �

LOL! Yeah Microsoft is the one writing all these Nigerian Spams and Linux protects you from it...OMFG!

You should feel honoured that it takes 8 to watch you and then an execution team of 7 to bring you down! :)

Everyone thinks that the money goes to Nigeria.  Well, the hidden truth here is that Microsoft is behind it all......the fake lotteries, the fake job offers, and the fake inheritances.

Bill Gates owns Nigeria.  And he's a member of the Illuminati, to boot.  But he's only a mere subordinate.  The REAL power brokers nobody knows..........they live in shadow.

I know all of this because I visit the right kind of websites & listen to short wave radio broadcasts.  So it is a fact.

I think we all need to stop capping on Bill Gates.

He spent the first part of his life getting picked on for being a nerd, and now he has the spend the rest of his life being picked of for being...well, a rich nerd.

Have a heart, give the guy a break.

Quote - You should feel honoured that it takes 8 to watch you and then an execution team of 7 to bring you down! :)

Actually, I'm insulted.  It takes at least 50 ninjas.  I'm a black belt in origami, you know. :lol:

I haven't had a good origami in a long time. Although I can fake an origami so well, you wouldn't know the difference.

Quote - I haven't had a good origami in a long time. Although I can fake an origami so well, you wouldn't know the difference.

clamps had firmly over mouth and refrains from making any comment

Say it Sam...say it.

I dare you, I double dog dare you :tt2:

Quote - Say it Sam...say it.

I dare you, I double dog dare you :tt2:

Nooooo.  Too much of a gentleman.

Quote - I think we all need to stop capping on Bill Gates.

He spent the first part of his life getting picked on for being a nerd, and now he has the spend the rest of his life being picked of for being...well, a rich nerd.

Have a heart, give the guy a break.

That's true.  He's suffered enough.  Let's all move into his house, so that we can sympathize by suffering with him.

BTW - please note that I wasn't "capping on" Bill Gates.  The capping was done for the cappers......as a Great Man likes to say: "illustrating absurdity by being absurd".

It's also true that Mr. Gates can't just drive to his local McDonald's and eat a Big Mac with fries.  Not without taking a small army security detail along with him.  And thus it will be for the rest of his life.

I wonder if Mr. Gates gets spam in his e-mail?  Informing him that a hitherto unknown rich relative of his passed away, and left him a lot of money?

Quote - I wonder if Mr. Gates gets spam in his e-mail?  Informing him that a hitherto unknown rich relative of his passed away, and left him a lot of money?

It's more likely that all of Mr Gates relatives are waiting for an e-mail saying he's passed away.

Quote - Nooooo.  Too much of a gentleman.

Nice guys rarely make history.

Or is that nice girls?

I love this line:

"*A HIRED ASSASSINE (AN ASSASINATOR)"

**Coming this summer - Vin Diesel in THE ASSASINATOR!

****SnowS

Funny, I just can't see Vin Diesel playing the part of the Italian "assassine", Don Jose Andres Martinez.

But then again, I can't see Don Jose Andres Martinez playing the part of the Italian assassin either :huh:

Quote - > Quote - I wonder if Mr. Gates gets spam in his e-mail?  Informing him that a hitherto unknown rich relative of his passed away, and left him a lot of money?

It's more likely that all of Mr Gates relatives are waiting for an e-mail saying he's passed away.

Quote - Mr. Gates: "So, Uncle Alfred kicked the bucket in Botswana, and left me $350,000,000, eh?  Joe -- contact Suzie down in accounting for me, will you?  She keeps the petty cash box in her drawer.  Thanks."

My brother has a friend that works for Microsoft. When Bill bought part of Apple Computer, the joke around the offise was that Bill used the change he found between the cushions of his couch to pay for it.

Well, with the success of the iPod & the iPhone, Bill Gates might have to get his pin money jar down from above the kitchen sink to buy some more Apple.

I haven't gotten an iPhone.  I don't want a 60-page bill delivered to me.  In a box which costs AT&T $10 to mail.

Quote - > Quote - Nooooo.  Too much of a gentleman.

 

Nice guys rarely make history.

Or is that nice girls?

I didn't say I was a nice guy, just too much of a gentleman.  There is something of a difference there.  :biggrin:

Quote - I didn't say I was a nice guy, just too much of a gentleman.  There is something of a difference there.  :biggrin:

I’m originally from California, where gentlemen and nice guys are dinosaurs…

They’re both extinct.

Quote - I’m originally from California, where gentlemen and nice guys are dinosaurs…They’re both extinct.

Is that the reason why you no longer live in California?

Quote - > Quote - I didn't say I was a nice guy, just too much of a gentleman.  There is something of a difference there.  :biggrin:

 

I’m originally from California, where gentlemen and nice guys are dinosaurs…

They’re both extinct.

I'm a Brit and far from extinct, unless Don Whatshisname gets me first. :lol:

Quote - Is that the reason why you no longer live in California?

No, I got use to men with no manners. In fact, with my lack of manners, I never really noticed.

I just couldn't get use to multi-million dollar homes...

in the ghetto.

And Sam, if Don comes after you, I'll fake an origami on him. He wont know what hit him.

Quote - > Quote - Is that the reason why you no longer live in California?

 

No, I got use to men with no manners. In fact, with my lack of manners, I never really noticed.

I just couldn't get use to multi-million dollar homes...

in the ghetto.

And Sam, if Don comes after you, I'll fake an origami on him. He wont know what hit him.

Thanks!  It's good to have friends. :)

Quote - I just couldn't get use to multi-million dollar homes...

in the ghetto.

Yep.  I'm not from that part of the country (could you have guessed?) -- although I've worked on contract in the Pacific Northwest in the past.  I know that a parked trailer on a half-acre of bare dirt located in California is worth about as much as a nice 3-bedroom ranch house elsewhere in the US.  Perhaps more.

My father's run down, forty year old three bedroom, sold 2 years ago for over 600K...as is.

In Texas, you can buy a 3500 sq foot two story house for 120k.

Yes.  I have a good friend who's working right now in Canton, Ohio on a contract job.  He tells me that houses & apartment rents are very, very cheap there -- largely because there's very little work to be had in the area.

I've heard of buying a large farm in places like West Virginia for next-to-nothing (maybe $70,000).  But there's no work there, either.  So it's cheap for a reason.

There are plenty of jobs in California, if you are willing to rent a shed until you get on your feet, and can afford to rent a closet.

Jobs = High Rent. Just ask any New Yorker.

...wow. I love hit men who type in all caps. It lets you know they mean businesses! I am having such flashbacks to "The Big Hit" right now. Geez, why don't I ever get the fun spam? Been getting a lot of them as "invites" from photo hosting sites and such, with the same scams and random pictures of women in bikinis supposedly making the plea for help. Next step, I'm sure they'll be nekkid. Death threats and developing porn, dude. They're getting desperate.

FINAL NOTIFICATION,
 
Get back to me immediately for necessary steps concerning your Inheritance claim, Sequel to your non reply of my earlier email to you dated 02/09/06, and on behalf of the Trustees and Executors to the Will of Mr. Henry my client deceased in 2004. I wish to notify you that your response will help in the codicil and last statement of the deceased and your will be entitled to his fund worth USD$9.7 million dollars deposited with INVESTMENT BANKING AND TRUST COMPANY PLC. (IBTC)
 
I will advise you about the steps on how to redeem the inheritance funds from The bank. Reply me on time because the bank is waiting for you to show up and Claim the funds. I will appreciate your timely response.
 
Regards,
Barrister Peter Obi.
Legal Head,
Peter Obi and co Chambers.
11 Allen Avenue Ikeja,
Lagos-Nigeria.
 
STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY
"The information in this email and in any attachments may contain confidential information and is intended solely for the attention and use of the named addressee(s). It may not be disclosed to any person without authorization. If you are not the intended recipient, or a person responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, you are not authorized to and must not disclose, copy, distribute or retain this message or any part of it.

How do you like my new spam. I no longer have permission toi disclose the false offer inside!
I suppose after this comes the death threats right? This the actual email!

I get those and the offers of compensation and all the others on a regular basis.  This is the first actual death threat I've had, though. :)

You would be avenged 100 fold! Their mad because we made fun of them and laughed at how stupid these emails are. : ) 

what kinda ninja are you anyway that it would take 15 assasins? surely he'd of made more profit if he'd only hired one assasin!! 

and if you are a target then even better, because he says he never misses his "traget" but he may very well miss the target every time!.

Still lmao here.....thanks guys too funny ;P

Hahahaha... that's too funny.

Are they sending a kitten death squad for the feline members of your family, do you think?

Quote - SamTherapy, compared to you I'm lucky. I just inherited 9 million dollars from some Nigerian I never heared of. I wonder if this is the Rendo-relataed spam issue?

It's not, because I get it on emails that rendo has never seen - like my work email... And other people whom have never been on rendo get them, like my honey and people at work etc...