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Bryce F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Aug 28 6:28 pm)
Subject: O.T. old jokes - who said what ? ? ? ?
O.K. a kangaroo walks into a bar, sits on a stool, orders a Guinness, flops down a hundred dollar bill.
The bartender picks up the bill and promptly gives him back $2.95 in change. The 'roo looks at the Guinness and the change and shrugs his shoulders.
Not having much else to do the bartender says to the kangaroo "You know, we don' get many kangaroos in here ".
The 'roo still looking at the change, says: "... and at prices like these you're not likely to get many more, either ! "
hmm...wouldn't be surprised if there's a Terry Pratchett in there, but I've only read about 10 of his 40+ books...;)
Light bulb jokes (don't know why, but Compuserve had hundreds of them back in the 80s)
How many New Yorkers? - 50. 50? yeah, it's in the contract, 50.
New Jersians (is that a word?) - 3; 1 to change the light bulb, and 2 to kill the witnesses
Feminists? that's not funny!...;)
Surrealists? - 1 to walk the giraffe, and 1 to fill the bathtub with jello
Psychiatrists? - only 1, but the lightbulb has to want to change
Apple engineers? - 1. He holds it in place, and the world revolves around him
Lead guitarists? - 38; 1 to change the light bulb, and 37 to say how much better they would have done it
Drummers? - none. We have machines that do that now
Viginians? - 3; 1 to change the light bulb, and 2 to talk about how much better the old one was
Fundamentalists? - 3; 1 to change the lightbulb, and 2 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began s**wing it...;)
ok...that's enough...;)
I wish I'd said that.. The Staircase Wit
anahl nathrak uth vas betude doth yel dyenvey..;)
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O.k. maybe they're not that funny - perhaps it would be more fun to figure out who said them???
"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."
"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made."
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."
"I drink therefore I am."
"History shall be kind to me. For I intend to write it."
"An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them."
Man you think those jokes were old? check out this site:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080731/lf_nm_life/britain_joke_dc
(also you can check your answers here )
http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/nm/lf_nm_life/storytext/britain_joke_dc/28420241/SIG=10qqhrvtq/*http://www.dave-tv.co.uk