I'm terminally stupid - at least that seems to be the consensis amoungst my friends and aquantainces 

Well, yes she called me two Fridays ago and apologised for the rotten thing she said to me and I offered to buy her a beer so she came down to my watering hole had a beer or more and so I offered to let her sleep it off at my place and she's been there ever since - again.   

Tonight over a week later ... as I sip at my cream of mushroom soup she's over there phoning me up to ask for a pack of cigarettes saying she'll be home in the morning to pick them up  - can you say dumb?

well I told her: why can't her boyfriend buy her cigs why can't he buy her all the things I have ? and why can't his mother who he lives with do it if he can't ? I also told her I need to quit spending money on her and start spending money on a real girlfriend
as I told her: It's not finding a girlfriend thats hard - it's finding the right one.

Next time I'll tell her:  "Bob's your Uncle" - not me.!!

Won't she just let me alone so I can get back to Brycing ?

 Sigh...wish I sould still drink a beer now and again.. maybe my quality of experience would 'pick up', heh heh heh.. ...

Au contraire T.J. I think you're a very bright fellow, but like many of us single guys you get lonesome for the company of a woman. I'm glad you put your foot down and told her what you really think. Here's hoping that you find the right one.

Next time have her pay for the beers or go find another watering hole and not tell her. Also pay her cab fare back to her place alone or better yet. Take her money out of her purse to pay the cabbie the fare back to her place where she can sleep it off in her own bed.

And quit being a sugar uncle!!!

Hey dude, dont be too hard on yourself. At least you figured otu she was tryin the same thing again and you stood your ground and told her off. She thinks she can use you, thats why she keeps trying again. Just keep tellin her off and she'll go away eventually. Oh and if she cant pay for her cab, she'll just have to walk...

Not being judgmental, but maybe the type / place of waterholes are not a good place to pick up girlfriends?  Maybe try a dating service like e-harmony.

There is plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to catch the right one, and have fun fishing, while you look for the right one. ;)

The problem is I am head over heals wanna share the bedsheets his and hers bathtowels growing old together madly in love with her ... it is only her obsession with a don know sheesh from shinola self obsessed prissy mommmas boy that seperates us . but yes that's a problem ... at least until I'm really gone from her life. ... but yet I cant bear the thought of her spending a single night on the street  - which she was doing whenever she got fed up with this faggot .... yet she seems to be obsessed.

• Time and the river flowing.
  I have no choice but to let her come to me or let her go to him. 

I am no longer in control of events - it now seems now that events control me 

• Irwin Rommel (to the best of my memory)

Well, I do not know you personally and probably should keep my mouth shut, but here are my thoughts anyhow..

She's testing you, dude trust me, classic testing strategy. Most humans feel wretched on some level within. Self sabbotage is very common in the human condition. Sometimes, when we tell people we love them they do not believe us due to this inner wretchedness and sense of unworthiness of love, so they sabbotage and test us to see if we really mean what we say. Kind of like the Verizon guy moving to different locations with the "Can you hear me now" she is testing you by doing silly things to drive you away then asking afterward "Do you still love me now?" Driving you away is her way of calling for help. Counter intuitive I know, but we are talking about the rules of love here, logic is illogical.

This woman is much closer to being yours than she wants to admit. You are right to give her a little shake up to remind her that though you are a man, men have feelings and strong ones that must be taken seriously. You are not there to supplement the attention and care and indeed money that she should be getting from the mama's boy boyfriend. Does the mama's boy have nothing to say about the quality time she spends with you? He must really be a mama's boy afterall....

Plus, there are two sides to every story, even this one. Sympathy can be used to manipulate situations and people. Maybe the mama's boy isn't as bad as she projects him to be when speaking with you who will sympathize with her, afterall actions speak louder than words. If he was so bad then her action would be to leave this guy. Something does not add up in between what she is saying and what she is doing. Actions speak louder than words. Only pay attention to her actions.

Many people men and women alike are afraid of being single, they will only leave one relationship when they are certain they can enter immediately into another. I do not know if this applies to her. She is spending time with you because she likes you obviously, that action is undeniable. Why she likes you is a whole other issue. Is it just an ego boost to her to know that someone out there loves her asside from the mama's boy? Is she comforted knowing she has "options," or does she really trully care for you as an individual? Only time will tell how deeply she really appreciates you.

She's testing you to see if you really mean the things you say. You should test her a bit too, really. Not to encourage game playing, but lets' be real, there is always a game the only question is whether or not the contestants are aware of the game or know all of the rules. Not everyone plays the game to "win," some people play just for the fun of it.

@rashadcarter
what you're writing is theoretically possible, but its only sometimes the case... by far not always, and its not neccesarily the case here.

There are opposit cases to the one you described as well. Like this one girl ive been flirting with lately, her actions sometimes dont reflect her deeper feelings at all. They sometimes only reflect short impulsive moments of stress or insecurity.
Yet when i've got her in the comfort zone, she'll tell me whats really up, or at least tells me part of it. Then from the times where she tells me significant things about herself and her feelings, i learn when to let her actions speak, and when to ignore her actions.

The 'game' is complex, words and actions should both be taken into accout. The total picture can tell you when the words are important, and when the actions are important. But this can take a little time to figure out.

Usually when a girl is doing strange things, she could be testing you, or she could be trying to drive you away. And even if shes trying to drive you away... she could still actually be longing for you, she just doesnt want to take the risk. Again, purely testing how much you want her is one extreme, pushing you away because she doesnt want to take risks is another extreme. The process is liquid, it can change, evolve, and is often different for every girl you'll meet.

@bikermouse
If she's really that obsessed with mama's boy.. you should maybe figure out why...
Next to possible social or emotional motives, she's trying to use you for your money right? Maybe mama's boy is very receptive to similar tricks. Maybe she simply keeps returning to him because she can use up his money, then she gets 'fed up' with him when he doesnt comply with her wishes, and she turns to you, trying to see if she can use you again like last time..
Or, she might be obsessed with him because she really likes him or finds the situation with him to be very easy and comfortable, and doesnt dare to let it go for a most likely less certain future with you.. In that case, whenever their relationship has its ups, she doesnt feel she needs you, but when their relationship has its downs, she feels an urge to try and still keep you as an 'option' as rashadcarter said.

its really up to you to know you have the game figured out already or not. And if not, you should decide if you want to figure out what game is goin on, or if its too much trouble to go through.
Either way, as long as you havnt figured out whats going on, you shouldnt get too involved yet, it'll just compromise your own options.

sounds like's she's bouncing between people like a pinball at times. There are people out there wh think the world owes them a living, just hope she's not one of them.

Hope it all works out, one way or another...

Even a good writer limits his acts to three.... but perhaps this was a two act play - if so so sad for her - eventually I'll find someone else but she'll be stuck with a guy who is willing to let her live in the street and go without food cigarretes toilet paper a roof over her head and real LOVE.
yet she'll have all the sex she needs .... yeah right.  let me revise that he'll have all the sex he needs with no commitment. What guy could ask for more?  

Well at this point I'm extremely sad but stay tuned: act  Three might becoming soon - God  I hope not !!!!

Oh in case you're wondering he's only 3 years younger than me with less physical, emotinal and sexual energy ...  ohwellnoaccountingfortaste

I feel for ya bikermouse, please DO keep us informed.
My best,
Ardiva

Good luck dude! Remember, there's always other fish in the sea.. maybe even ones with more energy ;-)