I know you guys don't realate to me at all. You guys are probably outgoing and talkative. But i'm not.
Well I"ve read books about how to speak to people but it's just really hard.

Moreover, anywhere i go.. most girls ( I'm saying girls because i'm a guy and I want to meet friends but also girls for posible relationship ), seem to be with a bunch of friends already. OR they look busy and like they don't want to talk to  random strangers.

Today i went out just looking to see if i could  talk to someone. but there was no one that looked like they wanted to be approached by a stranger. Moreover many young people now are always with cellphones texting or with ipods in their ears. It's really hard these days.

The only people i talked to was about 2 people. They were walking in the opposite direction and i just said "hi". There's no way to stop them when they are walking or to follow them, people usually don't like that.

There was this girl..she was walking but waiting for the same light i was.. I felt like i wanted to talk to her.. But then when i looked at her , i was gonna smile and say hi. but she had this face of disgust...or tired,, and she didn't even give me eye contact when i looked at her. So i just gave up.

The other only other place I see opportunities for talking to people, is bus stops when people are waiting.. But most people in bus stops.. are with friends and talking OR they are talking on the cellphone nonstop.

What do you guys do to meet people ?  I just don't get it. I'm not the type that goes to bars and clubs i have ear problems that's too loud.

Just to give it some relation to Poser/Graphics/3D animation..., That's one of the reasons I prefer to stay at home doing Posing or graphics.. Cause it's super tough meeting people ANd usually I feel like i wasted my whole day looking to talk to people because i found no oopportunities. As a shy guy, the easiest people to talk to are foreigners( I"ve done it before successfully). but i rarely find any of them  outside.

PS. I'm in my early 30's.

You didn't used to be known as tebop by any chance??

Laurie

-How do you talk to Strangers

I don't

Welcome to the club.

People talk when there is something in common to talk about unless you are a vendor or work in telemarketing, but in this case is a boring monologue.

Well the books and all the relationship experts say you should talk to strangers and anyone to practicie and get better. talk to anyone. I'm not gonna have anything in common with strangers. But strangers are the ones that become friends.

But they are always with ipods and phones or they have this face that shows they don't want to be bothered. i thought i was the quiet one.. but those people never smile to me even though they are more social than me.

I try to smile and make eye contact but they don't give it back.

sigh...

When you introduce yourself to someone for the first time, look them in the eye. Ask their name. Ask it and USE it. Nothing people love more than the sound of their own name...lol.

As for smiling at people - if you have a shy smile and you don't look people in the eye and your eyes don't smile, people can tell. Then it just looks like you're up to something sneaky and people are taken back. So if you smile, smile genuinely.

Laurie

I prefer not to talk to people if it can be avoided. 

For some things you need to be at least a little sociable. Smile , say hello, mention you had a nice weekend , how was theirs. A lot of that small talk, isnt really expecting a serious answer, but just a polite social response.

Strangers are people , so are you :)    Start with a comment on what a nice day it is , or how hot it is , something they can simply agree with. At the supermarket while shopping you can ask people if they think the apples are good , or the melon ripe , do the tomatoes seem soft ?   Maybe theres a chance to help someone get an item from the top shelf , if you are tall enough.  If you see the same cashier at a store or gas station you can mention the weather , or comment that she changed her hairstyle or comment on a new dress. Cashiers are a safe target for casual talk, because they need to be polite at all times. 

Do take the hint if people do not reply back much. You dont want to appear like a stalker .

So , people in stores , shopping malls ( do you know where the bookstore is ? ) , supermarkets, gas station cashiers, the librarian at your library, the person that gives you a haircut , people waiting for the bus or train , or on the bus if you use public transport. Your next door neighbor if you see them out.  and of course people at work.

Use earplugs if noise bothers you.

Churches used to be good to meet people. You may find a local club (like an art group) that you could attend.

It is hard to meet people but you need to be out where people are to do it.

Maybe ask out someone from work, not from your own department.

Remember that other people might be just as timid as you are, and women are often more careful with men they dont know. So smile and nod at people on the bus , and after a few times they may smile and nod back. Then you can say hello, and comment on what a nice day it is .

LaurieA, but they don't smile at me. Even the outgoing girls don't smile at me. They don't even stop and look me in the eye when i smile and look at them. does that mean they're not interested? So should i not bothere with them?

good advice mark!!!!!

For what do you want to speak to a stranger?, do you know him? Is there something important he can tell you? about what do you want to talk? has he any interest for this theme?
A conversation needs two persons, only one is not enough. When you want to talk and the other person want to talk and all agree to the theme conversation do happen, if not each one follows its own path.

Quote - LaurieA, but they don't smile at me. Even the outgoing girls don't smile at me. They don't even stop and look me in the eye when i smile and look at them. does that mean they're not interested? So should i not bothere with them?

And most people won't smile at you. A fact of life. Like cramps.

One thing you learn with age is that you really don't give a rat's ass after awhile what other people think. Maybe you should come around to that mindset ;o).

Laurie

Quote - Start with a comment on what a nice day it is

• what a nice day it is
• nice day for whom?!, my car broke, I have no money to fix it, my wife blah, blah, blah...

Sorry for the joke, I cannot resist

one can go up to strangers and talk to them if there's some context.  one can tell if they're
gonna be scared just by looking at their body language.  but it works better if they've seen
you and spoken to ya a few times already in some place ya both go to.  this is the acclimatisation
phase, in which they decide if yer o.k. or not.  then ya can tell if they like ya because they'll tell ya
personal details, try to touch ya, try to get yer phone number or ask if they can stop by for a visit.

this brings up an issue where I screwed up in the chat room here.  it turned out that 3 or
4 of them were either autistic (as they described themselves) or had kids who were diagnosed
as such, and I said something stupid like "I'm so sorry", which was stupid and patronising.  but
when they have that syndrome they can't pick up on subtle cues of body language, inflection,
facial expression to know who likes them, hence they tell others (e.g. me) they feel isolated or
alienated.  I dunno the solution, as this is more an in utero or genetic issue than one with which
neuro-psychiatric methods are useful IMVHO.

if you want practice talking to strangers... Get a job as a cashier at a gas station. You will talk to so many people in the 1st day you'll be over your fear. And also, as time goes by and people get to know you (there's ALWAYS regulars at every gas station) People will tend to stick around to have "real" conversations with you, not just the cookie cut BS as people normally do passing thru. I would know, cuz I have had several jobs as the over night clerk at some stations. That shift is always entertaining. You see the weirdos come out at night lol

I really agree with markschum’s suggestions. Take advantage of the situations. In a bookstore or library talk about books; in a supermarket, talking about the high prices can get most people going etc. You may get only a one word response or you may get a pleasant conversation. The point is to keep at it and don’t get discouraged. In “my day,” people didn’t walk around tethered to electronic gadgets so I can see how that would make things harder. Wait until the person on the cellie has finished their call and mention that you’re thinking of buying one and how do they like theirs, the carrier, the rates etc. People love to talk about their jobs, positive or negative. You can ask them how they like working at company X or that you’re thinking of applying there. Talk about what’s in the news avoiding religion or politics.

A lot of women are going to be wary of talking to strange men, no getting around that, but they probably feel more comfortable in a setting like a bookstore or supermarket rather than on the street. Pay attention to your appearance. People are probably going to feel more comfortable talking to a neat, well groomed stranger. Carry a book or newspaper and read while sitting at the bus stop – people may ask what you’re reading.. Ask them about their pet if they’re with a dog or cat. Talk to older people – many of them are probably eager to tell their story to a young person who seems genuinely interested in listening to them. Volunteer at a senior center – you’ll get lot’s of practice talking to people who really need someone to talk to a lot of the time. Ditto the local Red Cross, food bank etc. You’ll be in a situation where you are in a natural position to talk to people instead of trying to start random conversations on the street.

I used to be a shy guy, probably much like yourself I imagine.
I'm an engineer by training but there's no work in that round here anymore, I didn't ned to talk to people to do that job except in technical terms which was easy. But talking about mundane every day things just didn't work for me..

I started working in a retail store, part of the job is talking small talk to people, difficult at first but my confidence soon grew, now I'm the top performer in getting people to have our store cards because I can talk to them and persuade them..

I guess what I'm saying is, you do need to practise to become comfortable and then it will come easily.
It sounds like you are maybe trying too hard, you can't just walk up to somebody and start talking to them, they will think you escaped from somewhere..LOL. Best way is to maybe sit or stand by someone where there is a point of interest you could start talking about, say in a coffee shop, talk to the person at the next table about how good [or bad] the coffee is or in a shop talk about the goods etc...Once a conversation starts you can take it on from there.
Give it a go, just don't try too hard or you will come over as a bit of a nutter..LOL.

josterD,

I used to be incredibly shy, which seemed weird because at the time I had a pretty visible job--I was a dj at the top-ranked local radio station.  I could talk on the radio and be almost anonymous.  I could even talk to a large group, but I was brutal in one-on-one conversations with people I didn't know.

markschum suggested several good things, including the grocery store. 

I used to go to a clothing store in the mall, and pick out a couple of items that really didn't go together (like a red shirt and green pants), and when I saw someone I wanted to talk to, ask them for help, because I'm colorblind (I'm not, but it's a way to get them talking).  It's non-threatening, it works with one girl or a group, and it helps you get to where you can walk up to someone and start talking.  Some people might blow you off, but that's a reflection on them, not you.

It's like anything else--the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  It won't work every time, but dive in!

Visit a Church.  Most have a Fellowship time with coffee after the service, and you can strike up conversations there, saying you are visiting. 

Chose one of a denomination that suits your philosophy-most mainstream Protestant church folks are fairly easygoing...

My Mom and Dad taught me never to talk to strangers, so I don't.  Unless of course I have some kind of business to conduct with them...IE: banking, ordering food or through my work.

But if you value you life you don't just walk up to random strangers and chat them up.  They'll either think you're nuts, or about to mug them. And in the later event, you could end up stabbed or shot!

THE "INTERNET" HAS NEVER PROVEN TO BE AN EFFECTIVE MEANS  TO MANAGE ONE'S PERSONAL LIFE.

If you want to develop the ability to speak with people, there is an organization called toastmasters which is intended to help people with public speaking.  That means to a group, so it's not directly on point.  However, the meetings are full of people who have difficulty speaking, and they practice on each other (or that's my perception of how it works, anyway).

There's a website.  I put in my zip code and ten groups within 10 miles came up.  (your mileage may differ).  They are also in many countries - there's a country drop down.

If there's a group  near you, you could try a meeting and just sit through it.  At a minimum, you should find a small group of people, any of whom you could approach to have a quiet talk about how difficult it is too speak to strangers.

Just a thought.

but how is this related to Poser ........

Quote - but how is this related to Poser ........

According to the title, the thread is Off Topic...

Quote - > Quote - but how is this related to Poser ........

According to the title, the thread is Off Topic...

So why is it not Moved to the commons...

Be nice, Chris.  Not everyone is as outgoing as you.  LOL ...

normally when a stranger speaks to me...

....it's an invite to Christianity.   I must have one of those faces...'we must save his soul!' erm no my soul is just fine thanks... Ai Ai Cthulhu! we worship you! rise from your prison and slay this world in your glory! Ai Ai Cthulhu! ...what was I saying?

quote
"One thing you learn with age is that you really don't give a rat's ass after awhile what other people think. Maybe you should come around to that mindset ;o)."

thank god for old age ;-)

Quote - Be nice, Chris.  Not everyone is as outgoing as you.  LOL ...

LOL ...but going from the Poser forum to the commons aint that scarry to do now is it

But i see that even forum moderators are joining in so ....

Ill be nice ..im always nice ...yes i am ...dont say ...what?!?!?  no no no im nice ..
i am !
okay im a bit schitzo ..talking to my self but, im nice...
one thing about being a bit schitzo ..
i dont need to go out to talk to somebody ....

Chris

 join a hiking club.
Take up a martial art.

 BAR-CODE - I don't think there is a commons here.  That's daz you're thinking of?
Love esther

its called Community center here ... is about the same as commons .. lol

and im always thinking of Daz ... or was it my wife ..or beer or a  Porsche or Modo or or  ..
nah i dunno anymore what i was thinking of ......

 funny - i've been here for years and never noticed we had one.

Quote - THE "INTERNET" HAS NEVER PROVEN TO BE AN EFFECTIVE MEANS  TO MANAGE ONE'S PERSONAL LIFE.

^ This.

BTW, I don't know where your reside, but if you live within a multinational community, be very careful how you approach strangers.  Some cultures object to any form of eye contact, certain gestures may be misconstrued as threatening or disrespectful.  Personal space will differ between individuals, some will exhibit an "in your face" preference, while others would rather carry a conversation at arms distance. 

In California everyone has a phone.  And they're on it.  Which is great for me because no one bothers me while I'm out walking about.  I might get some looks though because I'm not on the phone too like everyone else.

Driving is more dangerous than ever though because other drivers are still on their phones trying to run into me.

Take a course in something you are interested in. Join a gym, a book club, a movie club, a charity organisation. Small talk will only get you so far, people want to talk about something they are interested in. Older people are often more willing to talk, and once they get to know you, they might introduce you to someone.

OT: How do you talk to Strangers and where? Seems nobody wants to be approached...

Easily in New York City. Just joking :) I have found people very friendly to strangers in New York City but no other place I have lived or visited in the US, Canada, Central America, Southern Europe, North Africa etc. unfortunately. When my kids were little and saw friendly people they would ask me if the people were from New York even though I had never discussed the matter with them... usually as it turned out the people were from New York.

Anyway, what you might benefit from is practice with semi-strangers. That means taking a night class through the local high-school or college Adult Education Program. You will meet people in class who share an interest and you can find a compromise between being friendly but not forcing yourself to be overly talkative. I have often been friendly with the quite type.

As for meeting girls, when I went to a paint-your-own-ceramics place to paint a vase all sorts of young women approached me to talk... found the same thing in knitting class. Maybe it helps to take some non-traditionally-male class like cooking to meet girls. I was doing it out of sincere interest though so maybe it helped that I was not putting out a super hustling attitude... although my brother's sleazy hustling attitude seems to serve him very well :) He takes dance classes etc.

Also, where I live at least there are informal meeting groups at coffee shops for things ranging from Conversational French to Bi-Polar Disorder. Maybe in your area there is a group for people with shyness or social phobia or even something like movie trivia that you could try if it seemed interesting.

Anyway, experience with semi-strangers might give you some confidence with day-to-day interaction with actual strangers.

Like others have said join a club or something or get a hobby which involves socialising.... and when talking to people the most important thing is to relax and be yourself !!!

As for talking to the "ear phone" people, avoid these people, they wear ear phones for a reason, they DON'T want to talk to you.... thats why they dont smile back at you !

Also you mentioned talking to "young" people, how young are we talking ? early 20's ? if so theres your problem, they see you as an old fart and cant be bothered talking to someone in their early thirties.. if i was back in my early twenties and some strange guy in his thirties walked up to me and started talking to me for no reason i would be like "WTF why the hell is this creepy gimp talking to me !!!", and if your talking to girls in their early twenties your wasting your time unless you are an extremely good looking guy or ugly and have a lot of money.....

IF your main agenda for talking to people is just for potential dating just join a dating website, stick your pic on it all your likes dislikes and such and say something like your a shy but nice guy who is genuinely looking for friendship or more !  Im sure someone will bite (they most likely wont be a twentysomething hot chick, more than likely a woman in her thirties)

Quote - (they most likely wont be a twentysomething hot chick, more than likely a woman in her thirties)

Hey! Don't discount us "Cougars!"  God I hate that term!  LOL  
If he joined a dating site, he could very well meet an older "mature" woman who isn't shallow, or who has gotten over her shallowness with age and time.

A tip for the original poster about dating sites.  Be wary!  When I had signed up for a couple of those free sites I heard from several guys that many of the women who contacted them or who they contacted were actually "pros", meaning they were using the site for purposes of prostitution.

Also, very few people find lasting love on those sites. Many are in it just for an affair.  Luckily you are a guy looking for a girl.  Girls looking for guys for a serious relationship on those sites have it much harder. Based on my experience a good majority of the guys claim to be single when they are married or in a relationship already, looking for a bit extra on the side.   In fact a co-workers husband hit me up. He didn't know it was me, and it took me about a hour of chatting with him to figure out that there were too many co-incidences between this guy and the husband of  a girl I worked with.  The dope sent me his driver's license picture. I called him on it. He blocked me from contacting him again.  I didn't do anything, but I sure wanted to tell her.  To this day I regret not saying anything to her, or even just leaving a screen capture of his profile complete with his driver's license photo on the conference table.

Anyway, good luck to Joster in his quest for social freedom.

Quote - ...and if your talking to girls in their early twenties your wasting your time unless you are an extremely good looking guy or ugly and have a lot of money...

nods Yup, all girls in their early twenties really are that shallow.
Wait until we turn 25 - then we'll be in our mid-twenties and we'll get along just fine.

josterD, this in addition to all the wisdom above:-

People in the so-called 'civilised' world are generally very suspicious of uninvited personal contact. People need to know that you are not on the take before they will respond to you in a friendly way.

But you are on the take, unintentionally, and people can sense it. The sooner you stop trying to get what you want from the people you meet (a smile, a chat, a date, whatever) and start asking yourself what you can give (read: gift) them, the easier it will be to make friendly contact. Try to give of yourself with no expectation of any return.* *You will certainly see no miracles, but it will help.

**JosterD,

I sent you a PM. Everything you need is there.

Good Luck.

-TheOwl
**

First, learn to read the signs: if someone looks like they're a) in a big hurry, b) irritable, or c) busy juggling too many things, pick someone else. Second, be spontaneous. Standing there wanting to say something, and stressing out about it won't work. People can sense tension, and for all they know you could be an axe-wielding escapee from an institution.

People are hard-wired to be hesitant, if not suspicious, about strangers. If you want a smile, smile first. Pick something positive to say, like "Can you believe how beautiful the weather is today?", or "I really like you hair.. where do you get it cut?"

Making friends, for a lot of us, is like finding a job.. you're going to fail at least 50% of the time, but the more you try, the easier it gets.

Quote - sigh...

When you introduce yourself to someone for the first time, look them in the eye. Ask their name. Ask it and USE it. Nothing people love more than the sound of their own name...lol.

Uhm.. Not to ruin things by making this wayyy too complicated, but I personally HATE the kind of people who use my name in every other sentence. Not because I do not like my name, I like it just fine, but it's .. (OK this sounds probably odd) well.. personal. Not something I'd like thrown around at any given moment. Also to me this screams "Telemarketer" because those people are trained to do just that. Use your name ad nauseam. And I hate it.

This may well be a cultural thing though. I'm in Denmark, Europe. Americans may look quite differently at this.

How to get someone to talk to.. Well.. Don't just approach someone at a busstop or such. Not without due cause. They'll just think you're either weird or up to something. But find something .. some REASON to approach someone. Like.. say you're at a busstop and there's this lady beside you who you'd like to get in touch with. Said lady is carrying a small dog. Say something nice about her dog. Pets (and kids) and saying something nice about themis a great way of getting in touch with people. 

And you may be allergic to anything with fur and hate kids.. but pretend you like both L It'll go a long way! (and allergies can be cured/treated and kids aren't as bad once you get to know them) so...

Another option is of course to get a small pet of your own. A cat on a leash will make people talk to you. A ferret on a leash will make certain kinds of people 8like me!) talk to you while other will cross the street to get away L) A rat on your shoulder..  well you get the idea... (and I have cats myself that get outside on a leash and my oldest kid has rats that also are taken out on a leash... so yes I do know how easily pets can get you into conversation)

As a kid I took my guineapig outside and talked to people that way. I'm not that good at talking to strangers either. Actually I don't think many people are.

Point is.. do not think you're odd or something just because you're more introvert than extrovert. Most of us here are introverts to some degree, that's why we spend time online instead of having one of those newfangled "Life™" things they always talk about...

In my day job I'm a train conductor. I am among LOTS of people every day. But I rarely TALK to them more than the "tickets, please" thing.  UNLESS they have a pet or a cute kid or something that is an obvious conversation starter. Without that, I wouldn't know how to begin without sounding odd or pushy. :)

You're not alone!

Having a conversation with someone you dont know can be challanging if you think to much about it.

People are people, everyone has something that is important to them you need to find out what that is. You can learn this from a simple hows the weather.

I travel lots and talk to all sorts of folks from airports to super markets and everywhere in between. everyone likes a friendly face and a nice smile. Take your time when talking to someone dont try to rush your words and most important take your time to listen to what that person has to teach.

Not everyone has conversation skills but with practice you will learn this, read eveything and anything so you can add to a conversation.

I think today we rely to much on having are conversations done for us and want quick answers for our problems, we really need to step back and realize that with all that knowledge gain we should also be able to B.S. with others for entertainment as well. I have spoken with total strangers about nothing and gained zero knowledge but walked away with some laughs and new stories.

I try to find humor where I can and sometimes when I see someone with a problem I try to lighten thier worries with that humor, everyone needs a break from the day to day stuff.

Be yourself, you dont want to be on the wrong end of someone elses B.S. meter, People know when you are full of it.

Hope this helps.

Attached Link: Feeling lonely? Rent a friend

I agree about giving the older ladies a shot. I'd still be hitting on older women, but older now means they have to back at the nursing home by 10.

Most churches, synagogues and mosques probably have singles groups, that might be an excellent opportunity. I think one key point is to not panic if the conversation seems to flag. Pick up on what the other person is saying, look for hints of other topics they might be interested in to keep things rolling. Put up that great Poser movie you're making on YouTube and then sit in an internet cafe watching it. Someone my comment and then when you said you made it, a great conversation starter.

I don't entirely disagree with Wolf's observation - the internet can in fact lead to greater social isolation. OTOH, they're certainly various support groups on the 'net specifically geared to helping people overcome shyness, though they're no substitute for meeting people in the real world. Shyness in an of it self isn't a problem. It becomes a problem when it causes you distress or interferes with your life which seems to be the case for you.