You moma so fat she red shifts.

 Two scientists walk into a bar. One orders a glass of H2O and drinks it. The second orders a glass of H2O too. Drinks it and dies. 

A higgs boson particle walks into a catholic church. The priest goes mad and shouts "get out of here! You call yourself the God particle! Blasphemy!" The particle sits down and says "Look, I have to stay. Without me you can't have mass".

Argon walks into a bar. Bartender says "we don't serve noble gases in here". Argon doesn't react.

The barman says "we don't serve Tachyons here!"........a tachyon walks into a bar....

Kinda sad but I found all of them ammusing :)

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg proclaims, "No, but I know where I am."

Quote - Kinda sad but I found all of them ammusing :)

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg proclaims, "No, but I know where I am."

 That's probably funny.  :) 

OMG...giggle

Laurie

A room temperature super conductor was arrested Friday. The Police report confirmed that the suspect offered no resistance.

Oh, FFS! :lol: 

Ah, there is nothing like scientific humor.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Three engineers are in car when it breaks down. The Chemical Engineer says 'We're out of petrol.' The Electrical Engineer says 'The alternator's broke'. The Computer Engineer closes all the windows, turns off the ignition and then turns it back on again.

Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first?

The one with the smaller mew (mu).

Two cats ..... wow its been 40+ years since I last heard that one :))

A Team of computer Engineers  Submit a Quantum mathematical problem into their new 70,000 core "super computer" which promptly returns an answer in under .00178 seconds

After seeing the answer, they remark with amazement:

WOW!!! it would have taken a team of fifty human mathematicians
over 300 years...... to make a Mistake this Huge!!! :-/

Cheers

A Paper Pad supports text and graphics images, and can be easily upgraded from monochrome to color.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the
chicken or you can measure its speed, but you cannot do both.

Jean Foucault:  It didn’t. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.

Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.

Ohm: There was more resistance on this side of the road.

Pascal: It was pressured to cross the road.

Volta: The other side had more potential.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Grandpa: In our days, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a road, the first one says to the second: "Uh oh I  lost an electron!", the second one says:"Are you sure?", the first one says:"I'm positive."

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer, please." he tells the bartender who serves up a glass full.

Upon finishing the neutron asks:"How much do I owe you?", the bartender smiles and says "For you, no charge."

If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!

There are three kinds of people in the World- those who can do mathematics and those who can't.

An explosion in a pie factory earlier today killed 3.14159265 people.

These ones I always teach the interns at work here:

"How do you tell the sex of a chromosome? Unzip it's genes and take a close look."

"A student was idly reading the diplomas on his instructor's wall when he noticed that he had two PhDs, one in mathematics and an earlier one in cellular biology. Curious why he would make such a swing in commitments the student asked: 'Sir, why did you change from studying biology to studying math?' The professor said he liked to keep things simple and 'biology is the only science where division and multiplication happen at the same time!'"

"A scientist, fed up with looking at rocks all day, decided he was done with geology and went to work for CERN. Today he's the leading theorist on earthquarks."

"There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!". The frog jumps 2 feet. Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He continues and removes yet another leg. " Jump frog jump!" and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and tells it to jump. The frog doesn't move.

While analyzing his data he comes up with:

Frogs with 4 legs can jump 2 feet.

Frogs with 3 legs can jump 1.5 feet.

Frogs with 2 legs can jump 1 foot.

Frogs with 1 leg can jump 0.5 feet.

Frogs with no legs are deaf."

I wanted to be an Archeologist but realised my career would end up in ruins.

Doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting a diffrent result is the definition of insanity.

Doing the same thing repeatedly, saying you expect a diffrent result is the definition requesting a grant extension.