Hello, I've popped in here a few times and finally decided to share something of my writing. I prefer poetry most of the time (when the Muses are friendly). Please feel free to comment. Lightening in the Soul Lowering skies grow darker still. Trees bend before a wild wind, Thunder reverberates between hills And lightening flickers in the clouds. The air is charged As the storm draws nigh. But can nature's fury Match the turmoil in my heart? I feel wild as the wind, Dangerous as the lightening. I search but find no answers. Like leaves my thoughts are tossed. Unlike the clouds, I cannont drop my burden And fade into the horizon. I must control the wind and lightning. Keep up my head, When I feel like crawling; Take one more step, When I feel like faltering And hope that the sun Will dry the tears in my soul, Reminding me That every storm has an end, Every burden, a resting place, Every wanderer, a home, Every seeker, an answer. Raindrops glisten on still leaves Prisms in the sun's westing light Shining through passing clouds In a clear and peaceful sky.

As I have said earlier, of all the things that are NOT my fortin writing, poetry ranks high...grin. It gets worse when confronted with a haiku. So, any comments from me should be taken as those from a common reader. I think I understand the thought you are trying to set to words. I think it's a good comparison. Analagy. Hmmm. Not the right words. It's not personification. Can't remember the word I'm looking for. Well, you get my drift. It seems nicely descriptive. Not overly so but just about right. Sometimes, I think people can overdo adjectives...grin. I'll list a few places I "stumbled": "But can nature's fury Match the turmoil in my heart?" It's probably me, but I read it over a few times and this part seemed to interupt the tempo set in the first verse and continued in the third verse. And, with a sheepish grin, I shall mention that the few times I read the part, "...When I feel like crawling; Take one more step, When I feel like faltering", the little voice inside me that cries for rhyming verse kept inserting "falling" for faltering. But I slapped him about a bit and though he protested, I satisfied him by mentioning it here. Nice work. I'm sure others can make comments better suited to what you are probably seeking.

I really liked the way the objects of nature are given a kind of personality. Sorry, I'm not much help with poetry-specific technical advice either, Caledonia. But please don't let it hold you back. The more poems you post, the more it will attract other poets! This is a beautiful piece.

Thankyou both for your comments. Having never shared my work, I am mainly curious to get other's opinions in general. Chuck, I think it was intentional to have the second stanza kind of stand out to make the reader realize that this is not a piece about the weather. Maybe I was a little too abrupt.

Yes, Caledonia, I wondered about that. It was the only question in the poem and I wondered if it was intentional, for emphasis. My problem is my pathetic need for perfect tempo and rhyming words...grin. I hope I didn't miss the point, though. You said it wasn't a piece about the weather. (hiding his face in case he ENTIRELY missed the point...hehe) But it IS a piece comparing inner turmoil or soul-searching with the coming and passing of a storm, right?

Hi Caledonia, Thank you for deciding to post this. I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future. I am just a hobbyist myself, so this is just my personal opinion but here goes. I like your poem, it creates some beautiful mental images and for some reason made me think of Wuthering Heights, but it left me with a couple of questions. 1. LIGHTENING (in title) Is the poem meant to be titled this way? LIGHTNING = weather stuff LIGHTENING = lifting the burden (or bleaching) As far as I can tell, it could go either way (not the bleaching way) There are a couple of spelling errors, which I assume you know about. 2. What is up with the character? This poem seems to work it's way through a time of emotional turmoil and reach a calmer place on the other side, but what is the turmoil? I can't find the why for this piece. Maybe it's a matter of personal taste, but I feel a need to see the reason for a piece, either in the title or the body of the work itself. Maybe I'm just terminally nosey. Overall though, I like it a lot. ps. Do you illustrate your work? This seems to be begging to be done in Vue:-)

Chuck, it is about inner turmoil likened to a passing storm. I used to try for perfect tempo and rhyme but found that it didn't work when I was trying to express my emotions. Shoshanna, Sorry, it is suppose to be lightning as in weather stuff! The reason for the piece: Well, a storm was brewing and the tense air seemed to reflect the difficult time I was going through. I ended the piece on an up side because I try to be positive and hopeful even though at the time I hadn't reached a calmer place in my life- I was just hoping that I would find one. I have illustrated some of my work but I do it on paper. If anyone is inspired to do something in Vue, please feel free. Thanks again for the comments, I appreciate the input.

ermm, I meant a reason within the piece itself, but thanks for the info :-) Be happy.

I'm definitely not a poet, so ham-fisted help is the best I can give. I know that you're trying to bring emphasis to the second stanza, but it seems too abrupt. You have a lot of wonderful imagery in the other stanzas, so the second stanza, your most important one, seems flat and underdeveloped in comparison. I know that the poem is freeform, but you might want to consider writing the first and last stanzas the same length, with the middle ones of varying lengths. To me, the first and last are tied together for contrast, so they should be equal size. The 5th and 7th stanzas are definitely my favorites of the poem. I wish I was as fluent creating the imagery as you are. Thanks for sharing.