I remember well that Summer's day;
When Life was warm and passionate;
Before Age took my youth away;
And the days grew cold the hour late.
And I grew fat and my hair grew thin;
And I saw less as my vision dimmed.
But still I see that smiling bride;
She never changed despite the years;
Though old she kept her youth inside;
That kept me strong despite my fears.
And she's the one I'll always see;
No matter what the truth might be.

A touching piece of work. You must be female, too. (oops, there I go getting into trouble sterotyping again). I say that because it seems much rarer for a man to accept his aging mate than a woman does. Not sure if you posted it for critiquing, but if you have read through here a bit, you must be expecting SOMETHING of that nature to occur. Also, you will have read that I am not a writer or a poet. I just offer the feelings of a reader. I don't even know the proper definition of a sonnet....hehe. So, take my remarks with a "grain of salt." Line 4,5, and 6...I wonder if "and" is too repetitious. Maybe... And the days grew cold, the hour late. I grew fat and my hair grew thin; And I saw less as my vision dimmed. I'm also having a problem with the last line. It seems to me, part of the truth is also what she is inside. The way you say it, it seems (to me) you are saying her age is her truth but that you see beyond that. I could be wrong, though...hehe I have sat here and tried to come up with an alternate last two lines. For one reason, I (personally) love endings that "mirror" the beginning. I haven't been able to think of anything that fits well, but to me, it sure would see to be a nice touch if it could end something like this: And she's the one, though old and grey, I remember from that Summer's day. It departs a bit from what you were trying to say, so I apologize. Thanks for posting. It was very tender. I hope my remarks are helpful.

As you guessed its been a wip for a long time and you hit the point the last two lines. I've done several revisions, yours isn't bad...Thanks. Though as far as accepting a female side..I only wish thast were possible. My life is totally male drive drive drive go go go type "A" all the way. In my world there's "Yes" or "No" and no greys. I risk a lot by dancing in a male forum, but a poem about some guy getting his head ripped off in a football game is meat. Meat is meat and a man's gotta eat. As I told many other people poems are the graphic art of the written word. Color my world.

"by dancing in a male forum" (?) Lost me...hehe. In fact, your last sentences must be a level or two above me...I hate that. Sometimes, when I have a lot to say, I abbreviate it to a shorter form assuming the listeners will understand what I mean. Then, I see blank looks on their faces...and have to start over. Maybe that's what happened here...LOL. You must be a level or two above me.

There was a science fiction tale once where the main character had no mouth but had to scream. I write because I have to... the smallest different way of seeing something is a call to share that experience. Dancing in a male forum refers to the question What is a masculine poem? Seeing a young bride despite the assault of time on ones mate is a counter to the idea that women are a temporary pleasure only good for the moment...No they are something to be loved and cherished over the long hall, someone meant to grow old with not away from.

Darn good. You might want to watch the syllables per line (is that the meter? I scratch my head, trying to recall Brit Lit class). If I remember, sonnets were supposed to have consistent meter. And aren't they supposed to have 14 lines?

a-b-a-b..c-d-c-d..e-f-e-f..g.g. You know I only count twelve ....darn! I forgot two lines somewhere. I forget which meter I wrote it in. Now I'm so bugged.Supposed to be ten syllables 3quatrains plus a couplet. I'll check the older copy at poetry.com and see what I left out. I think I broke down the And,And,And parallelism, but that would wreck my meter....Oh well a wip is one because of those reasons.

Wow! Shows just how much I DON'T know about poetry...hehe. I just liked it.

Thanks chuck...by the way I took a side trip to your gallery. I am not fat. I just think the ladies should be a little juicier

Maybe substitute 'As' for the second 'And' to break it up? And the days grew cold, the hour late, As I grew fat and my hair grew thin; And I saw less as my vision dimmed. Ah, I remember the days of laboring to ABBA ABBA CDCD and all that other fun poetry stuff in English class. It's probably why I have no talent in it at all!

Well, DARN! I'm gonna stop posting comments till Cres has had a chance to make suggestions...hehe. She ALWAYS does better than I. "Well," Chuck said to himself, "at least I faltered on the same part as Cres." He takes some minor satisfaction in that regard and clicks on the Post Reply button.