Forum Moderators: wheatpenny, Wolfenshire
Writers F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Nov 29 6:28 am)
Hacking...does that signify that a dream is some sort of encroachment on a secure area? Isn't "i" the dreamer mentioned? The future is hardly secure, a dream is the subconscious making sense of seemingly unrelated events and integrating them with known responses to come up with an answer. On the conscious level sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees.
I like the first two lines, very soft and melodious, but I'm tripped up on the last two. I don't see why you inverted line 2 to create line three - I can't figure out what line 3 means. Hacking seems a bit strong for the poem. The rest of the poem has softer consonnents. Maybe "crafting" or "forging" might work better sound-wise. Standard disclaimer - I've a tin ear for poetry, so it's quite possible (likely) that I'm missing subtle nuances. Glad to see another poet join our ranks!
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on travelling lands i am the dreamer of the dream the dream of a dreamer hacking on my future!