Some of you may have read this, erm, somewhere else, but for those who haven't and care, here it is. Well, where to begin. My hospital bills at this point are approaching 30 grand and growing daily. Physical therapy every day and wound treatment. 300 bucks a day. The wound is causing me a considerable amount of pain. They just removed a stitch from INSIDE the wound yesterday that no one even knew was there and no one knows a reason for. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I'm still stalled trying to get regular medical treatment, which means I have no insulin, which means that the wound will heal very slowly, if at all, and I'm still open to any number of diabetes related complications. I'm frankly very scared by that, because I'm just not feeling right. I can't put my finger on the problem, I can only say I don't feel right. I'm usually better than that at self diagnosis. I'm still having to spend much time in bed. I haven't been able to return to working yet, despite two projects waiting for me. I missed a deadline, and I have NEVER missed a deadline before. It made me feel really horrible. The projects waiting for me are the kind of work I enjoy, and I want to get back to them, but I just can't sit up long enough to get anything useful done. I have the background done for one of them, but I still have to import and texture the main figure, hoping it turns out really well. Money is still a serious problem. I am eating well, and watching what I eat, Not following all the rules, but if I did everything the docs say you're supposed to do, I'd be asking them to remind me what it is I'm working to stay alive for. My last blood sugar count was 194, which really isn't too bad considering. The woman who was giving me rides to the hospital disappeared, a family emergency I think. Still no one to clean the house, and it really isn't healthy here. I feel sorry for anyone who ever cleans it lol. Makes me look like a horrible slob. I'm still weak and very tired. Partly from the diabetes and my other illnesses, partly from having a huge slash in my leg constantly bleeding and hurting. I try to keep my spirits up, and all my friends help, but life is a little overwhelming for me at the moment, more than I can handle really. So I have times when I'm very low. I wake up every morning, way too early, to go do the hospital thing. I swear I'm gonna call every day to cancel my transportation and take a day off, but really, I can't do that. But it gets very tiresome to go every day and let them inflict pain on me. At least the PT people are gentle about it as they can be. The doctor is a complete idiot when it comes to basically just ripping off the dressing and then seeming to have no clue how to put it back on. And you kow if it was their leg being treated that way they'd be screaming and hollering about it. I want to be like, normal again, even if my normality wasn't all that hot. I'm also lonely as hell, but then, i have been for a long time. When I go to take my physical therapy and whirlpool to clean my wound, they put this chlorosomething in the water. It reacts with blood, and I bleed. The blood turns green, and then it floats up to the top of the water so it looks like I'm in the whirlpool with little flakes of parsley. Hey, it struck me funny. Aside from the fact that the whirlpool hurts like hell. And Kate, I been REAL hungry for salami lol

You're on my prayer list, Bone. Never forget that there are people who care a lot about you........ even if they are a bunch of wackos! ;) The grace of heaven, before thee, behind thee, and on every hand enwheel thee round!

I'll ship ya out some gallo and see if I can't find the Anderson's for ya too. :) Hang in there. Kate

Melansian, I'd be more worried if all the people that cared about me WEREN'T wackos lol. A further update, I did get into the clinic program finally, so I'll be able to get my insulin, sometime this week hopefully.

i know you don't know me but i have been reading your posts and those of other people about your situation,my thoughts are with you and i hope you start to feel better soon

hey, I'll take all the good thoughts and prayers I can get.

Attached Link: http://americanbridge.com/dontworry2.htm

lol. very nice flash

hi, just like shazz501, you don't know me but i know you from all the posts here. Just want you to know that all my best-wishing thoughts go to you and i hope your situation will get better soon. I wish i could do more than words, but i assure you, they're from the heart. I know how it is to be in hospital, in pain, but worst of all, i know how it feels to be lonely. Hang on in there and remember you got some friendly faces here. Don't lose hope. It's the only one that never got to fly out of the Pandora's box, cause its wings were too small (just found this out today :P) so it remained for humans to keep it. Lah

Bone, you know you're welcome here, and you can still think of Renderosity as your home. We're all concerned about your health situation, and our thoughts are with you. I have a feeling that some changes are in the works here, that you might like. Anyway, one idea I might suggest: if it's true that there are no programs to provide free-of-charge health care in your county, then you might consider moving to an area where better health care services are available. We used to have something called "Medi-Cal" here in California, but the Governator has axed it. However, there might be better programs in contiguous states.

well, my leg is healing pretty well, and I'm beginning to feel a little more human. You must remember I was already disabled before the diabetes even came up. I did finally get into the health program here, though I need some money to fulfill some of their requirements before I have to renew in 3 months. But II'll get my insulin next week, and then we'll see what happens. I'd love to move, but having no van, and being unable to do much packing and hauling it's a bit difficult. My finances are on the level of struggling to pay bills and get necessities and some months I can't even do that, and I may lose my food stamps after july. I'm homesick for the ocean and mountains, and though calif is my home, to tell you the truth I'm scared to go back there. The place has become absurd to me. So I'm thinking maybe Oregon, someplace close to the border if I ever get to move. Mostly I need the ocean and mountains.I need some major breaks in my life. God knows I've had about as much of the bad stuff as anyone should suffer, even before my health went round the bend. My computer is deteriorating too. I really need a decent machine. It frustrates the hell out of me. And, I am lonely. I'm quite isolated. I have all of one friend in the entire town, and we don't really do stuff, he gives me rides now and then. He's not the most social person, he doesn't like people for the most part lol. I, on the other hand, love people, I just don't get out much.