"Before I take the case," said the lawyer, "You will have to pay me a $200 retainer."

"OK, here's $200."

"Thank you. This entitles you to two questions."

"$200 for just two questions!  Isn't that rather high?"

"Yes, I suppose it is. Now, what's your second question?"

LOL, nice one!!

Hahaha, that is funny as well as true:)

What do you call 5,000 lawyers at the bottom of the Atlantic?
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A good start.

A man with one leg and a bald head gets invited to a Halloween party, but is embarassed by his shortcomings. He sends a letter to a costume company, asking if they can rectify the dilemma. A week later, he gets a big box in the mail, which contains a pirate costume and a note. The note reads : "The bandanna will hide your baldness, and your wooden leg will look like part of the costume." He becomes incensed, and sends off a letter that reads "I can't believe you would be so insensitive as to make fun of my problems." A week later, another big box shows up. Inside it is a monk's outfit and a note that reads "The Friar's robe will hide your leg, and your bald head will look like part of the costume." Again he get's pissed and sends off another letter. Another week goes by and a small box arrives, containing a jar of mollasses and a note. The note reads "Pour this over your head, stick your leg up your arse, and go as a candy apple!"

A guy is getting ready to go to bed, when he hears a knock on the door. He opens it, and there's a man standing there. "Can you give me a push?" says the man. "Get the hell out of here, I'm getting ready to go to bed!" shouts the guy, and slams the door. He goes upstairs to the bedroom and tells his wife what happened. She says "You should be ashamed of yourself. That's why the world is the way it is. Nobody wants to help anyone. You go back downstairs and help that poor man." The guy shlubbs back to the door and calls out in the dark "Are you still there?" "Yea!" yells the man. "Do you still need that push?" "Yea!" "Where are you?" "Over here, on your swingset!"