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Bryce F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Oct 30 3:44 am)

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THE PLACE FOR ALL THINGS BRYCE - GOT A PROBLEM? YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE


Subject: OT:More Pun-ishment for you


electroglyph ( ) posted Sat, 08 September 2012 at 8:54 PM · edited Fri, 01 November 2024 at 4:54 AM

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Be kind to your dentist - he has fillings, too.


BecSchm ( ) posted Sat, 08 September 2012 at 10:25 PM

Lol!

The toilets were stolen from the local police station.  The police say they have nothing to go on.


Ravyns ( ) posted Sat, 08 September 2012 at 10:59 PM

LOL!!  I wish my brain would come up with stuff like this.

**************************************************************************************

Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we're here we should dance.

 


peedy ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 12:17 AM

LOL!
Groan!
These are sooooooooooooooo bad! ;-D

Corrie


bobbystahr ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 12:48 AM

Groaner Good...thanks again...

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


bobbystahr ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 12:50 AM

and a reply:

Two Hutterites walk into a pet shop in Swift Current and head directly to the bird section.

Jacob, the Preacher, says to John, the Farm Boss, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, ve'll take four of dem little budgies in dat cage up der,' says John.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Jacob and John pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into the colony van and drive over to the train trellis bridge.

From the top of the bridge, John looks down at the 200-foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the bridge.

Jacob watches as John falls all the way to the bottom.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Jacob shakes his head and says:

'Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous fer me.'

BUT WAIT!!!! there's MORE!

 

PART TWO:

Moments later Isaac, the Hog Boss, arrives up on the bridge.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the bridge carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hey, Jacob, vatch dis,' Isaac says.

He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself off the bridge.

Jacob watches as halfway down, Isaac takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Isaac continues to plummet until he hits the bottom.

Jacob shakes his head and says, 'Ya, und I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either.'

BUT WAIT!!!!.....

PART THREE:

 

Jacob is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Abe, the Chicken Boss, appears.

He's carrying an old potato sack out of which he pulls a chicken -- one of those old layer hens.

Abe then grasps the chicken by the legs holds it over his head and hurls himself off the bridge and disappears down and down until he too hits bottom.

Jacob shakes his head in sadness.

'First der vas John wid his budgie jumping, den Isaac parrotshooting......und now we've lost Abe hengliding.

 

 

 

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


peedy ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 12:56 AM

Oh dear, oh dear.
That's even worse, Bobby! ;-D

Corrie


tjohn ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 5:38 AM

A termite goes into a beer joint, hops up on a barstool and yells, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy


goofygrape ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 7:22 AM

very sad


peedy ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 8:45 AM

LOL!


TheBryster ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 9:10 AM
Forum Moderator

You know? I'm very worried about you lot. :scared:

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


bobbystahr ( ) posted Sun, 09 September 2012 at 6:05 PM

and well you should be, myahahahah

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


TheBryster ( ) posted Mon, 10 September 2012 at 9:44 AM
Forum Moderator

Man walks in to a bar and says 'ouch! - it was an iron bar................

 

One for the Brits...

How many G4S Olympic security guards does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

3 Soldiers and a policeman............!

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster


And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...


bobbystahr ( ) posted Mon, 10 September 2012 at 10:29 AM

hee hee hee on both Chris....

 

Once in a while I look around,
I see a sound
and try to write it down
Sometimes they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again



 

 

 

 

 


CrazyDawg ( ) posted Fri, 21 September 2012 at 1:59 AM

Ok you lot....the nuthouse is that way ------->>>

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.


 



tjohn ( ) posted Fri, 21 September 2012 at 4:36 AM

Hey Dawg!

This IS the nuthouse.

:laugh:

This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy


Rayraz ( ) posted Wed, 26 September 2012 at 10:41 AM

Quote - One for the Brits... How many G4S Olympic security guards does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

3 Soldiers and a policeman............!

 

Here they need a van and 4 police officers if a single bicyclist is riding without a light during a dusky time of the day.

They also need 2 vans, 2 cars and 2 motormice, (with a total of 12 police men) to extract one guy from a bus for posessing an opened can of soda.

Meanwhile, if a storm blows a thick heavy tree over, and it lays all the way across one of amsterdams busiest streets blocking the pavement, bike lanes, car lanes ánd tram rails in both directions, they send one poor schmuck on a bicycle... :P

(_/)
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