Funny I was writing a blog article about getting biblical put down the pen and just wrote this out as it was. Perhaps the parts in my creative process are concentration on the item, distraction, then divine afflatus. The parts were there already in my writing I just had to digress to another topic and boom... it wrote itself.

On a cattail singing for a buffalo gal, A red-winged blackbird cries. The bulldozer scrapes clean the hallowed ground. The fawn give up and dies. The castles shout, the earth gives sway, Till no more space is found. Once built they lie unfilled. The scarred earth seeks revenge Black funnels are their ends they retire to the dust leaving just the red-winged blackbird singing for a buffalo gal.

I don't post critiques in the galleries very often. The space provided for constructive criticism is very small and artists often treat their works as if they were children. If you mention in a poem that l1 would work better if...they go off in a tiff.

I've neglected what is probably a bigger part of myself than my gallery for far too long...As a community the writers at renderosity have changed. Originally we concentrated on the writing and not the graphic, Now the writing is second fiddle.
This is a graphic driven site for writers this is a sad fact.

Trying writing a serious vignette and have the words do the painting.

Message edited on: 02/10/2005 07:25

There was one little patch of woods, about a quarter of an acre, between the condominiums where I lived and another group of condominiums. It provided a little break in the concrete. The kids used to runup and down the path and have their fort out there for wars with kids from the other condo. An occassional romantic stroll was not an impossibility, when the nights were warm and the crickets and bullfrogs beckoned to buffalo girls inside their fortresses of solitude. Singh the destroyer took down evey single tree. The road, that I could once walk down the middle of, is solid with condos for miles and even with a 60 percent occupancy the madness still continues, The grand council just rubber stamps all this man's requests to build. This is a writers forum not a general discussion forum, but I feel caught between pages of "Silent Spring" and "Soylent Green".

I remember when the tornado hit...it went from the middle school where my kids were at class, through the library the central court of the high school, and clipped the side of the police station...My wife was working at a nursing home the tornado stopping about 50 foot away in the woods... The other one hit directly in my area one nearby mobile home was totally demolished and the three residents killed.

At the time we were driving back to our condo. Lightning hit a transformer above us and we were so startled we diverted to my wife's mother's house. I hate to consider that same course now.

Message edited on: 02/08/2005 21:50

You don't refer to death until the last line. It made the connection between what was being spoken to and who the speaker was more confusing.

And next weeks Tueday morn this message is sent of our mortal form that like ashes is spent Mardi gras parties and Super bowl frenzies (go pats) just stuffing in donuts like one dozen padczki's A short term of waiting and then Easter's feast The fly fisher's casting The bait is released.....this is fun.

There not blue from the cold they're blue from the pomp, And cheetas chase jaybirds, Where chevy's can't romp. All the coins piling high, tributes Ceasar bring And at this point no more words, Ten forty-Ka ching

But John feel grateful,
In the sun go relax,
In the corner are papers waitin'
It's your income tax.
Though now you are smiling,
with BB outside.
It's time to be filing,
those papers inside.
So walk in the sun
Don't wait for the snow
Jusr pray for a refund
and hope you don't owe.

Message edited on: 02/05/2005 04:16

Its so close as I read through it I had to backtrack over certain phrases. Sometimes the use of parallel constuction can improve the flow. Don't count meter so hard.

The touch and sentiment are wonderful. As far as the words there are a few choppy parts.

It's a little confusing who the speaker is...I think its nature or a landscape, but then who's the one coming?

I haven't been around much lately. I've been writing almost everyday in my blogs, though I visit here occassionally to see who's still around.

There's a whole network of blogs out there. I just started a new one http://zanografix.blogspot.com but its going to have an emphasis mostly on gallery postings. Sometimes I think the best way to promote your own writing is to goto a blog with a lead in, and provide a link to the page where the rest of the story or more poems can be found. John's right writer's write is an awesome site. Some site are more critical then others so be careful where you post sometimes the comments are pretty harsh. You can also post short items in the forum at my site. I'm always looking for visitors. I had one guy last year post 21 poems in a day...I asked if I could move the post to one of my standard pages and never got an answer. So they got deleted I couldn't be sure on the author. http://www.zanografix.com

Barbara thanks for checking out cynlees gallery here. I've got a few feelers out for the last five I need to fill. It's alway sad when I take a gallery down, but a deals a deal 30 days. ModestyB's gallery had 461 views but it was up since June. I've been searching other websites than renderosity for people to include, the difference here is the people are more responsive. There's some great galleries out there but people never answer their mail. It's my hope that those persons with huge galleries at renderosity would look at this as a chance to splash their best and in the 30 days shine as brightly as possible.