OT is not too popular with the mods, but... I'm not really doing too well at the moment, I've been past a whole session of extremely bad stuff happening (such as getting kicked ot of school and haveing a friend I was gunna emigrate to australia for die) and I could really use someone to talk to. And last time I was having probs Ang25 was a great help.. soo I almost don't dare ask, but Ang I really need another chat :(:(

Why not PM her?

she didn't respond to my pm yet... sorry for messing up the board...

Sorry to hear that you are going through hell right now.Be strong and believe in yourself.There's some fine work in your gallery I've just looked.

Ray, sent you an IM, don't know what happened but I didn't get one from you. Hugs

Hope I didn't come across as cold, I didn't mean to be.

well, luckily there is some good news. My school took me back after I did some serious (verbal and polite) asskicking around there. now for the rest...

Good for you !!!!

yeah :) at least that's something good again yeah.

Now all I have to do is find my disappeared moviebusiness contacts back, find out why more then half my friends suddenly started to ignore me, try to live with having to lost one of the best friends I ever had, losing the oppertunity to start my own cartuning company in australia, having starting up my own webdesign company delayed AGAIN, having find a way to make 3000 bucks fast, trying to keep 2 or 3 of my friends from killing themselves and have my best online guy friend being mad at me unless I go to a psychologist.

oh, and did I mention no-one has been talking to me for longer then 5 minutes for over 2 days? and that last time anyone touched me was 2 days ago when shaking someones hand and before that, more then a week?
I could really use a hug, but ofcourse even that won't happen either, because my last hug has been so long ago that I can't even remember when it was or how it feels!
Did I miss the news message on CNN where they said "watch out for Ruben Vreeken, do NOT get in his proximity for more then 5 minutes and defenitely do NOT touch him. He's highly toxic and deadly" or what???

I'm tired lonely bored depressed and feeling useless and unloved.

Message edited on: 09/04/2004 05:20

Gosh Rayraz, sounds really bad. Sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend when I was 22 and really never recovered because nothing can replace a really good, loyal and trustworthy friend, its not an easy thing to deal with. Keep your goals in focus, theyre important so dont loss sight of them. Sounds like youre isolating yourself, not a good thing to do when youre going through so much by yourself. So do consider a counselor, they help to put things in perspective from a totally objective stand. Its okay to take time to reflect on your environment but dont get obsessed with it, dont dwell on it, let things go and learn to nurture your inner self, theres nothing wrong with that. Hope you start healing soon. Just give a shout whenever it pleases you, Im sure someone will touch base with you.

Nothing will ever be able to replace my friend yeah... I was going to emigrate to australia to live with her, after my study. I would stay for one year at least, start a cartuning company with her, then maybe stay permanently. Now that dream is gone for me... Without her there won't be anything for me to go to australia for...

oh, I don't know about that. I've lost a few friends myself that way..and it sounds like you're fairly young, so you have a lifetime ahead of you..no reason you can't go to Australia for whatever reasons you want..and it's a big place, so there's lots to do. Travel itself gives you a new perspective on the world, and the law of averages says your luck has got to change sometime. You've got talent, judging by your gallery, so play on your positive strengths..I know from experience that being depressed is one thing, but letting it take over your life will cause some folks to distance themselves, which makes a vicious cycle..I was a sick puppy once..(whaddaya mean once?..;)
So face what life has given you, make a plan, and go for what you want in life..dang this sounds like a self-help book, sorry 'bout that..gotta learn to appreciate yourself, because I know folks here do..take care..

ALWAYS feel free to post personal stuff in the Bryce forum. AgentSmith

Rayraz, nothing can replace the loss of a dear friend and you will undoubtably shed tears from time to time throughout your life for their loss, but as has been said you are young, talented, and have many paths to walk, so don't give up hope of finding peace and happiness. As I've said before we could exchange phone numbers if you like and have a natter on anything you fancy. We're not that far away from each other, oh you European brother you, and that way if you need to talk I'd always be at the other end of a phone and it costs me nothing to phone Holland. IM me if you'd like to talk. 8) Catlin

Hey Ray, I'm sure most of us older members of the forum can honestly say we've been through this, I've lost a few friends some of them in pretty nasty circumstances, all I can say is you will get through this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you need to talk you can always IM me and I'll give you my number.

I'd like to chat on the phone, but I usually get really really really shy and won't know anything to say... Also my parents will ground me if they find out I'm calling long distance or giving my phonenumber awayo on the net. In my case that means, also no internet... which is horrible!! 'cause that's my main medium for contacting people... When my girlfriend comes back from malaysia in december I might go visit her at her place in the UK if she can't stay at my place too long. Maybe I could meet you then Catlin?

That would be very neat Rayraz. I do hope we can meet at some time and I'm not that frightening, ask Ang. Ang snd I met up when she was in the UK on vacation. 8)

Catlin's a sweetheart and very not frightening. We only pretend to scare the Bryster. LOL.

Great! :D I'd like to meet yout too :) I know you're not frightening ;) I mean how dangerous can you be? :P

Just wait and see...............8P

wanna test it on msn messenger? ;) my msn addy is rayraz.rv@hccnet.nl