AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive, so I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started. . . .

~~~~~~

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’

And then the fight started. . . .

~~~~~~

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked “Do you know her?”

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started. . . .

~~~~~~

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started. . . .

ROFLMAO

Thanx for that...I needed a Sun. morning chuckle....LOL.. ...

Too much!
Hope you don't mind if I pass it along to some others that need a laugh!

My wife said she wanted me to take her someplace she had never been before, so I took her into the kitchen !  Hey,.........I know you're out there, I can here you breathing !

:m_laugh:

ROFL...very funny stuff...thanks for the laughs!

rofl!

The barman said did I want something long and cold. I told him I was already married....

Oh my God TB :m_laugh:

For a vacation I offered to take my wife camping. She said she'd tried it once but didn't like it.
For an evening out I suggested that my wife and I go to a rock concert. She said she'd tried it once and didn't like it.
We have one child.

(Sorry for jumping on this thread, but I couldn't resist.)

My neighbor asked for some advice with his marital problems, so I gave him my .38

This lady looks long and hard in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees.

 ”I feel horrible,” she tells the husband who is reading the newspapers. “I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

“Your eyesight's damn near perfect,” the husband says without looking up.

And then, the fight started.

She said, "We've been married for 30 years. Let's cook a turkey to celebrate."
I said, " Why take it out on the turkey?"....and then fight started. 

Dear, Doctor Phil says," To keep our marrage happy we should go out on weekly dates, just like we did when we were single."
Great Idea! why don't you go out Wednesday and I'll go out Friday!
.....And then, the fight started.

My mom always said I should find a woman who likes to do what I do. It's hard to find a woman who likes to get drunk and chase women.   With my wife I don't get no respect.  I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'  The waiter joined me.     I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!     My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met.   My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water. 

:lol:

:b_grin:

Met a guy at the bar last week who was complaining about how much his wife is cheating on him.  I told him, "It's the 21st century, so you just keep your wits about you and go out and do the exact same thing she's doing."   "Yea," he replied, "but she's seeing another woman!"

Wife looked in the mirror and said I want to be 6 again.

Following day I took her to a theme park, put her on all the rides, bought her candy floss and a hot dog for lunch washed down with coke. On the way home I bought her a pizza, more coke and an ice cream, after all the stomache churning stuff she was looking a little ill, so I took her home,

'Well hun how does it feel it be 6 again?' I asked,

'I meant my dress size you moron......'

:lol:

:m_laugh:  :lol:  :m_laugh:  :lol:  :m_laugh:  :lol:  :m_laugh:  :lol: