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37 comments found!
hey tjames, thanks for the comment and the suggestion. I'll certainly keep them in mind when enough time has passed. I usually don't touch anything I write for a week or two so I can be objective about it. Thanks again.
Thread: New poem | Forum: Writers
...and please excuse the lack of punctuation in the earlier post... had some trouble with the HTML format
Thread: Unfortunately, I'm stepping down as Mod. | Forum: Writers
Very sad to hear this news, but on the other hand glad to see you are following good leads. Hope to see you around the forums every once in a while. Have a blast! Ian
Thread: "Vision". Thoughts appreciated | Forum: Writers
Thread: "Vision". Thoughts appreciated | Forum: Writers
Thanks SG. Really appreciate your comment. It's funny how most of the times I feel like I'm as much an expectator to my writing as anyone else. In cases like these I don't even think when I write. It all simply comes out full-formed and later on, when I edit it, it feels almost alien to me. Like I'm not responsible for it. This one (and in this, Crescent, you;re near the mark) came with a very distinct image in my head. That is unusual, since I don'y usually think in images. And it IS a kind of story, which is what makes it so prose-like in style. I hadn't noticed the nature agle, SG, that's a very interesting POV. And about the "waves" thing... well, I'm not even sure what that's about. I wasn't really thinking of sex or pain, really, when writing. But the word "lovers" was put in there in my head and would not be let out. Get my meaning?
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
Thanks, Tres, I considered that change myself, but I feel that the word "break" HAS to be there. I can't explain it. It's just one of my things...
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
No. Although I am of Catholic faith, this poem has nothing to do with my religious beliefs. At least, it's not meant to. you said: "your poem sparked me to write "something". Which I have not done for a while." I am flattered, all the same, by your comment. Thanks again.
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
I don't understand if you're following up on the idea, or trying to rephrase it. But whatever it is, I like it! Thanks!
Thread: "Vision". Thoughts appreciated | Forum: Writers
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
Hey, Crescent! Long time no see! Yeah, I see what you guys are saying. Basically what I'm trying to say is that whoever "breaks", or separates, the saved from the damned (the shepherd) has not come to the character in the poem, therefore he/she does not know which way he's headed. So, I guess it would go like this? Ignorant for the lives of eons untold, And dusty creeds of broken spirits: I revel in my ignorance, and sweep the rush forward. My breath is tainted, broken, unfurled, like speared souls on high city fences. This gory truth spits on my face: The light, it seems, is guide to damned and saved. What breaks them? I do not know. This unknown shepherd will not come for me.
Thread: Long time no see, eh? A new poem: "Ignorant" | Forum: Writers
perhaps this is better? What breaks them? I do not know. This unknown shepherd will not come for me.
Thread: Please critique...Dilectus Meus Me et Ego Illi | Forum: Writers
I like its pace, frantic, desperate, fast. Perhaps a bit too fast, at times. It rushes along certain aspects I would like to see developed (the whole philosophers scene, for example). But in general, really good... I enjoyed it. The contempt Jean-Luc has for mortality is boiling at the skin of the character, almost bursting from him. It was most evident at the beginning. That was particularly refreshing to read, as it is not easy to convey. The transformation of the character's psyche is interesting as well: From a cool, world-wise creature to a love-hungry and ravenous lich. All without losing the finesse. That's probably my favorite point of the whole thing. Sometimes, the prose seems to be overloaded, IMHO. It is definitely part of the style, but in certain cases there is an overdose of similes, a flood of adjectives, cascading, falling, filling, bearing, coming down, bubbling up, ... (well, you get the poing. Pardon the pun). It can overload the reader at times, especially so because the text ios so quick. all in all, a very well rendered tale. I really liked it. It left me, however, with a slight pang of the unfinished. What is this man's tale?
Thread: New poem, thought you'd like to read it. | Forum: Writers
All aliterations are intentional in the poem. They are a bit incoherent, but I was attempting to make a point. Thanks for all the comments, guys!
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Thread: New poem | Forum: Writers